Before We Fall (Wattys2017)

Nightmares

"I know you're in there."

This voice grasping onto my breath, sucking my soul out of my body, heart racing.

"bapump-bapump"

Knock after knock, quickly moving towards me. Silent then not. Tearing me from the inside out. holding back the tears.

"Riley,"

Hand clutching around my mouth, keeping the screams from flowing out.

"Riley,"

"HELP ME, WHY DOES NO ONE HEAR ME?" I screamed on the top of my lungs.

"Riley,"

"You're okay, you're okay."

A mellow, and beautiful voice enters my mind.

"I've got you, you're okay. It's just a nightmare."

My hands clutch onto my hair grasping it from my head.

"It feels so real, why does it feel so real?" I struggle to get out of my mouth.

Saliva dripping from my full feminine lips. Tears escaping from my eyes.

It's been five years since project #2543 launched. Though we succeeded in our mission, we will never forget the screams, tears, and blood. Haunting memories scar our screwed up minds for the rest of time. Through more treatments than I can count, but none can erase the pain and sorrow from my body. We're safe now. I know that. It took a very long, tormenting time for my mind to be convinced it was true. When I was younger, most girls wanted to be princesses and have their Knight in Shining Armour save them from the big, bad dragon. I thought otherwise. I was going to be that Knight in Shining Armour. I was going to be the hero of the story. Now, I am. But if this is what being a hero feels like, then I don't want to be one at all.

He-ro

ˈhirō/

noun1.a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

Courage, noble, outstanding. Hero's aren't afraid of anything. Or at least that's what I was told. But then if I am their hero then why, why every day do I wake up being afraid? Forcing myself to take a step out of my own home, screaming through the nights till I can't speak anymore. I have to tell myself every day that I'm okay. But I'm not.

I don't fear death anymore. Why should I? The day I inhale my last breath, is the day I'll finally be free. Free of the screams that echo in my head, free of the images I cannot and will not erase from my head. "Dying is easy, living is harder."

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