Changing Tides

The Tides

More weeks drifted past and change came like the shifting seasons, the light dimming and the cold settling into my bones.

My relationship with Yavan had disintegrated into nothingness, taking with his abscence the last vestiges of my sanity. I was drifting along the sloshing tides, water churning all around me as I tried to stay afloat.

Change was inevitable, there was not one aspect of my life or this world that stayed the same because time was continuously in motion. I followed the current and moved along. My body adrift in the wild sea while I secretly dreamed of the vibrant green earth I had once called home.

I craved to be grounded in the present but my mind flickered to the past and wavered over the future. Life was so uncertain.

Sighing under my breath I kept moving on wards, my feet dragging me into the main hall and taking me to my designated seat. I stared forlornly at the empty chair at the table, my feelings morose as I acknowledged that Jana had really done it. She had left.

She had said her piece and when the time came she acted on it. To say I was surprised to find her absent when I returned from my days away at my healing school was an understatement.

She was definitely a woman of her words, she said what she meant and stuck to it. There was that stubbornness in her that had been present from young. She always did as she said and did not go back on her words.

Unlike some people, namingly a young boy called Yavan who was still here. Who had remained here even when I had packed my bags and fled with my daughter for a few days.

I didn't want to be there when he left me but instead of missing Yavan leave I had missed Jana's abrupt exit.

He was still here but she wasn't.

It seemed that no matter what, I was doomed to watch him turn his back on me unless of course I turned my back on him. It was something I couldn't fathom doing, even when he had given me no reason to stay or to care and so o stayed where I was.

My body moving sluggishly as I slid a small piece of toast into my mouth as my eyes wandered of his handsome face before turning to my daughter.

My ears perked up at her babbling. Her big blue eyes shining as she wowed Carson away with her constant chatter.

My gaze lingered over his smooth golden skin and full lips. Feelings I hadn't acknowledged in a few years stirring inside me and reminding me of the reason why I had fled not too long ago. There was a sexual tension between us now that hadn't existed before Meilan's letter. Perhaps it had always been there, but until a few weeks ago I had failed to feel it or acknowledge it. Not now.

Now every time I saw him I felt the burning hunger consuming me as I fought my need.

My palms itching with the urge to drag him closer

Kiss him deeper

Love him harder

I couldn't trust myself.

I couldn't because while my body hungered for the taste of him on my lips, and the strength of him climbing over me as he settled deep within, my mind rebelled. Repulsed at the idea that I would let another man in where only my husband truly belonged.