a month without uploading
he comes back with a tag
that noone even tagged him in
he's not a challenge to drag
so prepare for an attack
and by that i mean cRINGE
cuz this motherfxcker's 'bout to get DRAGGED BY HIS FRINGE
first thing first, you're freakishly tall, it's weird, you look like a noodle (true)
you've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle (hobbit)
throw in a really annoying posh voice and yUP, THAT'S DAN
you're what would happen if winnie the pooh FxCKED SLENDERMAN
you procrastinate making videos, cuz being judged is scary?
you're so close of being forgotten, the hate's imaginary
the only reason you get views is
cuz you're another white guy
that people ship with his fren, cuz they think it's KAWAII
oh?
reason's why dan's a faaaaaail (yay!)
i'll give you some:
*inhales*
YOU NEVER TWEET, YOU OVEREAT, ALL YOU DO IS CRY AND SLEEP
your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality
your family's sad you flopped you law degree at university
and anything embarrassing that's from your past you just dELETE
you were vegan for like three weeks, what, you missed the meat(milk [fic heheheh sorry])?
wow, i'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity!
you try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
but can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic >:0 (boo,oh)
i could go on, there's more if i check
there's more things on this list, THAN CHINS ON YOUR NECK
on your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
a 100? yeah, when getting out of bed makes you out of breath?
so, your celebrity crush was j-law, but now it's evan p.?
wtf even is your sexuality?
it's hard to put you in a box, when you keep it so blurry
i think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry
i-i'm joking
obviously
okay, that went deep...
repress it? yUP!
before i start crying,
let's wrap this shit up!
i'm gonna go an masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza (feels)
shout out to the other youtubers, especially ryan higa! (jerk ;-;)
a cringe compilation, mixed with cultural appropriation
met with no despreciation it's the YOUTUBE NATION
click subscribe, if you want 4 videos a year! (or 3)
to see my last one (from 10 years ago) just click over here! (fail)
so leave a comment with your reaction, you can call me a liar
cuz you just witnessed the roast, of DANISNOTONFIRE. (now daniel howell hahahah)
[sobbing]
