Already Dead

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by KaitlinBevis

by KaitlinBevis

I felt the weight of the Steele in my hand and realized there was another option. Me.

I could save us.

You'll die.

So, what else was new? I'd been at death's door practically since my creation. And the second the demigods broke that shield, I'd be there again. Hell, I'd never left. At least this way I could save the others.

Ares....

My thoughts turned to him with regret.

Survive, the memory of his voice pleaded, echoing through my mind.

I want to do more than just survive, I remembered telling Adonis. Even if it kills me.

Every moment I wavered, gave the demigods another moment to break through. Then my choices would be spent.

You're killing him, too.

That thought gave me pause, but I only needed to look over at him, struggling desperately to fight Adonis's command, his limbs moving under someone else's control to realize I'd never saved him in the first place. I'd turned him into a puppet. A posable doll. Something Narcissus could use.

He'd chosen to die to save me in the first place. A part of me might hate him for what he'd done to me, but I knew him well enough to know what he'd rather have happen in this scenario. In a way, I was saving him too.

You've been here before, I realized. When Ares had been charmed into killing Adonis. But not exactly. I remembered the moment I saved Adonis. My resolve. My utter certainty that I could do it. But when I saved Adonis, I'd done it for me. Because I didn't want to live with the guilt of him sacrificing himself for me.

This time, I was doing it for them.

Plan "D."

Will this even count as a divine death? I wondered. My powers were hit or miss.

Powers or not, you're a goddess.

But I hadn't felt like a goddess for a very long time. Not since I'd been glamoured to look like Elise, my powers stripped away by poison and betrayal.

That doesn't matter, the voice sounded so self-assured. So familiar yet so strange.

What my voice would sound like if I weren't so broken.

You are greater than your powers, more than your looks. You stood up to Zeus, you cowed Poseidon, you created a brand new god and trained a brand new goddess. You've found Hades, found the weapons, now all you need to do is finish the last step. The blood of Chaos runs through your veins. Act like it.

Resolved, I gritted my teeth against the pain and struggled forward,