“Dear Mum, I know you’re happily settled in Heaven now, but, I miss you. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about you. I think about you a lot. Sometimes I imagine you sitting with me, wiping the tears away when I’ve had a bad day, when nobody understood me, you would tell me the right things. Life felt much better with you around, you are the only person who understands me. You were my bestfriend. My GCSE results were fantastic! I know you would be proud, I want you to see how well I’ve done, everything every other girl can do with her mother, watch me grow into a woman, watch me get married, have children of my own. Why did God take you away? Why did cancer decide to kill you?! .. I’m never going to stop thinking about you Mum. I love you so much and I know you’ll be watching me from Heaven. It’s not goodbye, I promise you.” I said my final words from the cheap lined paper, full of scribbles infront of my face. I was shaking like a leaf, tear marks covered the paper. There was no words to describe how I felt, I was numb for weeks when suddenly everything fell on top of me, I couldn’t cope.
“Thank you Cassie.” I felt someone lay their hand on my shoulder reasuringly.
I turned my head to be faced with the freckly vicar, her hair was in a tidy bob cut, naturally ginger. Her round glasses lay at the tip of her nose. I looked back at my paper and scrumpled it up, then sitting myself on the cold wooden bench next to my Dad who didn’t even look at me. The vicar carried on “And let us raise to sing one of Mariah’s favourite hymns…”
Everyone stood up around us, I felt everyone stare at me, but I didn’t dare make any eye contact with anyone. I looked up slightly at the coffin which was brought in by my two uncles, brother and my grandad. Her favourite flowers, daisys, were in a bunch, sat on top of the smooth oak coloured coffin. The fact that my Mum was in that coffin, stone cold, just made me realise what was happening.
“Mum!” I cried.
Plenty of people stopped singing and looked at me, I felt Reena, my sister, grab my hand, she squeezed it tightly as I lay my head on her shoulder as I cried.
She was the strongest out of the both of us, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care. We cried for hours on end together when we found out the bad news.
“It’ll be okay.” Reena whispered to me.
Something else haunted me aswell, I hadn’t been to school for a week or so and mates have started to worry. I haven’t texted any of them what’s happened, I don’t know what to say, or how they’d react. But, the longer I leave it, the more it haunts me. Nobody has visited me, yet. Only close family who were at the funeral, that’s all we needed.
I pray each day for my Mum, Dad, everybody. People always say that something good will happen soon, but it’s just got worse and worse. I’m stuck in deep cement and I really need to get out.
I knew it was was going to be long and tough day, nobody could deny it.
* * * * *
Another week went by and I still hadn’t said anything, my texts had been spammed by friends. I read some.
“Cassie, why won’t you text me? Have I done something wrong? Why aren’t you in school? - Nathan”
I couldn’t tell him yet. I chucked my phone against the wall and started to cry, I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Half term had just started and I know people would be looking for me, I had to tell someone. I crawled off my bed and picked up my battered looking phone. “I’m sorry, my Mum died a couple of weeks ago. I’ll speak to you later. -Cassie” I sent to Nathan. He had an easy life, sometimes I would envy him, I didn’t know why he actually cared to be honest. After going out eith the schools most popular girl I suddenly became out of the picture….My heart sunk everytime
