Third Time Lucky (Watty Awards 2012)

“No! No! NO! How many more times must I tell you? No!”

“Ah, come on, Fi! I promise it will work out this time!” Tilly was my best friend and had a naughty habit of pretending not to hear me.

“Til, I said NO and that's final!” I turned my head away quickly to conceal my mirth from her. Tilly had that effect on me. No matter how irritated I became with her, she always made me laugh despite myself. Even when I was trying really hard to be serious.

“But Billy is SUCH a nice guy, Fi. You will absolutely ADORE him, really!” Yeah, right, I thought. Good grief, what was my love-life coming to that I had to go on yet another Tilly-induced blind date?

“No! I am not putting myself through the humiliation again. Your taste in men is completely the opposite to mine. How do I know you haven't picked yet another Brad Pitt lookalike with absolutely no grey matter to speak of, or an attitude as big as the iceberg that sunk the Titanic?” Tilly laughed.

“I promise this guy has more grey matter than Einstein and Bill Gates put together! And the iceberg melted the day he was born.” I smiled and said, “You sure do have a lot of confidence in this guy. He sounds way too perfect, which means he must be a serial killer,” I teased.

“Haha, very funny,” she said. “Now. What are you going to wear?”

“Hey, hang on. I haven't agreed to anything yet. I'm just not interested, okay?” Deep inside, of course, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist the suspense. I wanted to see what this guy looked like, and whether or not he could put a good sentence together without it being a cliched pick-up line.

Tilly and I grew up together. We were almost attached at the hip, doing everything and going everywhere together. I must admit I felt a bit jealous after she had met and fallen in love with James. They were good together though, so I stepped aside and let her be with her man. Thankfully our friendship didn't suffer at all and now, here she was, trying to set me up with one of James's mates. A baseball player no less. I really don't think this will work, but I guess I'll do almost anything for Tilly. She has seen me through both the good and bad times, and, besides, what are friends for, right? Surely she wouldn't set me up with yet another total moron, even though she has already done that twice! First there was Fred, the dentist. He was nice enough, until he tried to lick my feet. No, I kid you not. He really did try that. Needless to say I told him off. I don't mind my Labrador, Shadoe, doing that, but not the man I'm on a date with for heaven's sake! How could that possibly be a turn-on? I shudder to think what he would have tried to do on a second date! Then there was Neville, the lawyer. He was really nice to look at, had a gorgeous smile, perfect teeth, but a major “God's gift” attitude.

“Look at me, Fiona. You will never find another man like me.” Yeah, buster, and I will thank my lucky Capricorn stars for that. Case dismissed, goodbye! Some men can be really obnoxious, can't they? And now there's Billy. Oh heavens, Tilly. What have you gotten me into?

“Hello, earth to Fiona!” Tilly's voice dragged me out of my reverie.

“Oh, sorry, Til. Did you say something?” Actually, she was holding up my red leather dress.