Eat

Now Or Never

My stomach growls and aches as I look at the sandwich I had made, my arms shaking and I have a cold sweat all over. "Alright.. You can do this. Take a bite and hold it down." I think to myself repeatedly, trying to work up the nerve. "Just a bite man, you can do it." I say aloud to myself. Nervously I pick the sandwich up off of its plate, and I bring it to my mouth. Just the smell of the deli meat and bread make me want to vomit, but I already know I'd be dry heaving for the next 5 minutes if I started gagging again. I take a few deep breathes before biting into the sandwich, my stomach churning as the taste hits my tongue. I can't stop myself, I gag and immediately begin to dry heave. My stomach becoming tight with each movement, my face hurting from the pressure of puking, but nothing comes up. I never even got the bite down.

 "God fucking DAMNIT!" I kick the table over in rage before falling onto the floor and curling up into a helpless ball, holding my stomach and crying in pain. It feels like an hour I lay there like this, until I finally am able to sit myself up. "Maybe I just need some water.." I think to myself, but I know it won't help, every time I drink the stuff it goes straight through me. But I make a glass of water anyways, knowing good and damn well it won't help. I flip the table back over and I throw the sandwich out (it had landed on the floor after all) and I proceed to make another. I catch my reflection in the dark kitchen window, I hadn't realized how long I had been trying to eat. My arms are skinnier than the legs of the table and my flesh is sunk into my face. "You don't have a choice.. You have to do it". I take a deep breath and look down at the new sandwich and the glass of water. My stomach growling again like before and the cold sweat returns. "well.. Now or never".