What Next?

Chapter 1- What A Day.

With a screech of tyres and a small cloud of dust, he was gone. It was always the way. As soon as she begun to feel the slightest twinge of happiness, somehow they always slipped away. Derek, Cristina, George, Lexi, Mark, Izzie, they all left her alone. Maybe that's how she was supposed to be. A single parent, just like her mother. All alone.

She blinked away the tears which threatened to spill from her eyes and dabbed at her slightly damp nose. From now on she would let no-one in. She couldn't afford to. It was exhausting and she couldn't do it anymore. She only remained more and more damaged time and time again.

Swallowing the lump in her throat she turned and made her way back to her car, unlocked it and started the engine. She looked up at the smoke being emitted from the other side of the hospital. It was a strange place to call home, but to her it was everything. Despite the twinge of guilt she felt for leaving, she needed to go to her real home, to the place where her children and sisters lived. Where she and Derek had begun. She'd give up everything for him to be here right now. For him to give one of his strong, protective hugs which said: "I love you, everything is going to be okay".

But right now it felt as though nothing was okay.

She drove out of the parking lot and down the road, switching off all of her emotions, at least until she got home. Her body going into auto-pilot, with no sound of the radio to liven her up. It was a perfect moment to 'dance it out' with Cristina, but she couldn't. Not only because she was driving a car, and dancing would be dangerous, not to mention difficult, but also because Cristina, her soul-mate and twisted sister, had left to pursue her career in Switzerland. Leaving her alone.

She pulled up into her driveway and got out the car, locking it behind her. Opening the door of her front porch, she was greeted with a warm smile from Maggie.

"What a day..." Begun Maggie as she offered to hang Meredith's coat up.

"What a day." Meredith confirmed, unsure as to whether she was aware of the situation regarding Megan.

"There's a glass of wine on the kitchen side, I figured you'd need one as much as I did."

"Thanks," Meredith said as she offered her a smile which didn't quite meet her eyes. Maggie sensed the fake appearance but decided not to press her on it.

"The kids have all been bathed, fed and read a story and they were sound asleep about half an hour ago when I last checked on them."

"Thank you, I may just go up and check on them and go to bed myself if that's okay?"

"That's fine, I'll lock the door. Oh and Mer?"

"Yeah" she turned around as she reached the second step on the stairs.

"If you need any help with anything at all, whether it's with the kids or just a conversation, I'll be here if you need me"

"Thank you Maggie" Meredith replied, although this time, with a smile of genuine appreciation.

She gently walked up the stairs, the glass of wine in one hand, holding onto the bannister with the other, her handbag hooked on her elbow. Reaching Bailey's room first, she tiptoed in. He didn't like to sleep with the door shut because when it was dark the creepy crawlies would come out from underneath his pillow and give him bad dreams. She ran her fingers through his thick, soft hair, a trait which he inherited from Derek. He had Derek's face too, but her green eyes and sandy colouring. She planted a sweet kiss on his forehead, his nose twitching slightly in response. Quietly, she left, leaving the door ajar slightly.

Next was little Ellis' room. Her's was the smallest of the three, but rightly so as she was only soon to be 2. She slept with a nightlight on, which sent twinkling stars across the ceiling. Derek had bought it for Zola when she was first adopted, it was then passed onto Bailey, and then onto Ellis when he decided he preferred the light from the hallway instead. Ellis' hair was like her Mom's- wavy and blonde. It was no accident that she was wearing the doughnut pyjamas which Maggie had bought her when they went into town a few weeks back. Although admittedly, she did look rather adorable in them. Her little fist wrapped around Meredith's thumb, as if to say goodnight. With one soft kiss on her head, Meredith left her room, and gently closed the door behind her.