Just a quick story

Day one of loneliness

Love story

It was high school, an advertisement of all things great and love found often. Displayed in all the movies with love just happening. Well not for me! I was always ignored no one looked my way throughout high school unless it was some friends. I see girls daily at school pulled in by their boyfriends and caressed with a lovely kiss. I look towards them and want what they have but never have. Saving a kiss that will never happen. Thoughts rush through my mind wondering if I'm even good enough to date. So many things boys look for in girls in all the wrong places. A little heartbroken I go to my next class looking out the window day dreaming and re gaining my focus knowing I won't ever have what they have. Sadness trembles in my heart wishing for a different story to live. You might think I will have my happy ending and be a boy magnet but that's not how it happened. I was simply not really dating material. I only dated once but asked the guy out instead of the other way around. Maybe if I actually talked to guys I could have a date to a dance for once. Freshman year I had dreamed and truly believed that I would get asked to go to the dance. I expected too much from a situation that could only happen by a miracle. From then on when my little heart was broken I decided to not expect too much. Now with the next dance approaching in my sophomore year I have no expectations and only think of going with friends. Maybe it's better this way, maybe I'm meant for something else. I may be lonely but one day I presume. Maybe boys think I bite... wait let me rephrase that maybe boys don't even know who I am let alone my name. It's only the ones who care that know your name. I'm minuscule compared to all the popular girls. Just your average girl who now just focuses on education. Some girls have it all in this school, a car, a job, and a boyfriend. I have neither but it seems all too hard to manage that, school and after school activities. I start to think it's better this way that I'm more stable without the trouble of caring for another person. Im told I care for people which i do! I feel the need to cause if no one will I will! I just think if I care maybe I'll be cared for one day. Plus it's just my personality I just hate to hurt anyone. Then again when I'm not in a good mood I just boil with anger. Why do I give this topic so much thought you may be wondering. Well it has changed my life whether noticeable or not. Boys truly impacted my life. You see in middle school I only talked to boys but now IM TERRIFIED OF THEM! I just can't bring myself to start a conversation. I get so nervous around them and just stutter and when I pretend to be confident it doesn't feel like me.