Guide My Steps - A Zak Bagans Story

Mistakes

A/N: Trigger warning ahead as there are some sensitive topics mentioned and discussed! Stay safe, my loves. If a summary of this chapter is needed due to said warning, feel free to PM me and I'll get back with you asap!

"Help, I lost myself again, but I remember you. Don't come back, it won't end well, but I wish you'd tell me, too. Our love is six feet under, I can't help but wonder if our grave was watered by the rain... Would roses bloom?" - Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish

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Fate was such a bastard. It really was.

Here you are, thrown into life without any guides to understanding, no prior knowledge on how anything should or shouldn't be, expected to be successful with everything that is laid out in front of you. If you didn't flourish with those tasks or talents, you were tossed aside, outcasted until you corrected those flaws. You were supposed to learn from your mistakes, so I was told.

"You make mistakes, mistakes don't make you," Mama Groff would always tell me whenever I would be deeply upset due to my mishaps. They happened more often than not it seemed, and currently, I was trying to come to terms with one of those 'mistakes' sitting in the waiting room of an ER.

Aaron sat beside me, leg idly bouncing away as he stared into space, trapped in his thoughts. Usually, he would have tried to lighten the mood by cracking a shitty joke, but now, he was silent, with the exception of nervous popping and cracking of his knuckles. I didn't know what to say to him to make him feel better, for I, too, was running around in my own head.

What a crappy friend I was. Friend...more than a friend? That was to be settled later.

After that frightening phone call, Aaron and I had rushed to the hospital. We barely had time to dress appropriately before we were pedal to the metal, racing through the thin traffic, and thankfully rather barren streets. As we drove, Aaron filled me in on what little information the paramedics and staff had to offer at the time being on scene.

Zak's ICE contacts had been my name, my number, which explained why they contacted me before anyone else. That alone bothered me, but it also made me curious. Why wasn't it Laura's cell? Why mine verses all of the members in the crew? Why not his mother? They were close. She would be devastated if she was told that Zak hadn't used her number instead. Or his father? More unanswered questions to bug me later on.

He had ran his favorite cherry red Mustang GT up a tree, narrowly missing the edge of a bridge that suspended the roadway from the ripping current of a river below, smashing everything and himself to pieces. Luckily, the airbags and seat belt saved his life along with the help of the guard rail. He was fortunate enough to have his life, though he was facing some severe charges for driving under the influence. They hadn't specified the substances, though Aaron and I were smart enough to have a general idea of what he had been using: cocaine.

Aaron had been right all along - not that I doubted him. I was just still trying to come to terms with Zak's new addiction. I pushed it to the back of my mind to avoid the problem all together. I still blamed myself completely.

I placed my hand on Aaron's knee, calming its anxious movements. His hand came to rest on top of mine and he squeezed my fingers softly.

He turned in his seat to face me, eyes dark and sullen. "It's going to be okay, Emie." He said, catching my tears with his thumbs as they fell.

"I just want everything to go back to the way it was before," I whispered. Aaron stiffened, as if offended slightly, or taken aback. I realized that he took my wish the wrong way, but before I could apologize and explain otherwise, a white coat flashed around a corner nearby.