Yours Truly

 June 2 0th of 20XX 

Last night I dreamed of a person I no longer wish to see nor meet ever again. And yet, I felt happy in that dream. Happy to finally be able to see that smile the bottom of my hear misses so much much but denies to admit so. Happy to finally be seeing him up close just like the old days.

I remember it vaguely. It was a dream I loved so I must've remembered it vaguely. Don't you get those? I know it's weird but that's how my dreams work. I forget the best ones. 

The most gist I could squeeze out from my faded memory is a vivid picture of the two of us laughing to a joke he said. All the other seats around us were empty. The way his eyes look into mine's, waiting, hoping, mostly knowing, that I would crack up as I always do before he chuckles and joins in. I glanced at him ever so slightly, as if studying the details of his face in godspeed, taking note of the little things he does. 

And now, I don't even know what he looks like, how much he has changed, how much of his years did I miss to witness. Such a long forgotten frame, waiting to be reminisced.

He's definitely not my type, I keep reminding myself. I'm just a kid who has no idea what it truly means to like someone. He's definitely not a campus heartthrob. He's not a gentleman in any way. He isn't completely careless about school but I can definitely tell it's in his list of least concerns. He's not a very cooperative member or team player. He's an absolute slacker. He's a cusser. He's bad mannered. He talks back. He's the complete package bad influence. He frustrates the hell out of me.

And yet, in that dream, I was laughing with him. 

Like there was no other place I'd rather be int he world. Like there was no other person I'd rather be with. Like there was nothing more that I could wish for. 

It was like everything I ever wanted was right there, infront of me.

The first time I met him, I honestly didn't have the slightest clue that a person like him would such a great impact in my life. That a single chat message from a person like him could actually make me smile like an idiot. That a single thing he says could actually keep me up at night. That a warm gesture from him could actually make my heart feel fluttery and light.

I don't know why. I mean, that WAS how I did feel. But I knew and I dd swear to myself that I would quit the stupid act. It was ridiculous. It was definitely awkward considering that fact that we were practically sitting next to each other and I face him every morning. But everytime I think about it, it just makes me wonder about the silly things like if his voice ever changed, or if he still has that cheeky childish smile he used to have. Yes, stupid things like that.

For some reason, I can't seem to forget the root of it all. The starting point. The beginning of it all. I hate that I still remember. I hate that I remember as if it was important. As if it were something I had to cling on to. I'll bet he doesn't even recall he knew me. 

It was mid-year when my seat was transferred to the second row from the back. He was there at my left. I was at his right. He looked at me with those cold eyes that hardly care. He was just another person in the big world of my life.

Or so I thought.

Never in my entire life has my name been mentioned out loud because I was being too loud during class hours. Mine and his, to be be more specific. I got warned my all my subject teachers and I hated it, ofcourse. I have always been the school girl and a total Nervous Nellie when it comes to even remotely breaking a rule. That was how I was and I planned on keeping it that way. I was pissed, embarrassed like I should. But not during the process of it. The reason why we both had been humiliated infront of the class was entirely his fault. I COMPLETELY blame him. He just never knows how to keep his mouth shut, you know? He cracks up this really hilarious joke that is impossible to unhear within the distance between us and I couldn't help myself.  He's a clever guy with a laid back personality and he had this very unique sense of humor that ringed chemistry with mine and that made it very difficult to dislike him. Maybe that was what drew me to him. At that time, being in trouble didn't mean anything. I know it's hilarious to think of.