Turns out your a little human being now. Totally dependant on the first person you see. Your mum. However that doesn't always happen because not everyone has great mum's.. Some people might not even have a mum. Or a dad.. And so on. 24hrs in a day.
But from that stage. You can't really do anything. You don't know how to cooperate with the world. All you can do is follow the people close for guidance, or to learn.
At the age of 4/5 you are then taken to primary school. New environment, new people. New learning techniques. We had to develop into all this, on our own. At the age of 4/5. No guardian to stay and guide us..no parent..just new people.
Every year you then get progressed to different classes, each class gets more and more difficult. Then you reach year 6. Everything seems fine right? Your with your friends, learning together. Then the teachers bring out tests. Tests that tell other people how smart you are. That is then put into groups.
Still. You have no choice.
Turns out you've done all the tests. Suddenly your standing at the front gates of your new school. You've left everyone behind, but this time you go there on your own. Scared and alone. People looking at you. People sniggering.
Until you get a teacher, taking you to where you need to go. Your standing there, the people around you, who are also starting school, talking to each other. Your just standing there, trying to give hints to everyone that your shy.
Eventually it works, people come up to you, introducing themselves. But there in a different class. And again, your on your own. The person with anxiety is on their own. Your only 11 and your going through Anxiety.
You sit there uncomfortably. Waiting yet again, but this time you introduce yourself. You make friends and then over time you make friends with other people... The first week is over. The class is use to everyone. The students figure you out. They start to bully you, bully you of your looks, your figure..everything. Even the slightest mistake. Bullied. Your relationship. Bullied.
It continues for 3 years. Your in year 10 now, you've chosen what subjects you want. You make better friends, starting to have a better life.. your friends begin to argue towards the end of the year. They put you in the middle of it because you choose the right side. They pick and pick and pick until you have nothing left.
You leave for the holiday, anxious and triggered. Your think of the subject and suddenly you cry. You can't even have a nice holiday without crying. Your family pick up on this, seeing the cruelty. Seeing the emotional abuse.
It's year 11. They've become better. Nicer. Civil. And then it becomes the end of the year.. bitchiness strikes. Your in the middle. You just want the days to end. You don't want to see their faces any longer. You fake being civil, it burys you alive.
Then it stops.
You've finished school. You get rid of everyone who's caused negativity in your life. There all gone. You ignore them all. Blocking every request. Forcing yourself to be civil when you see them.
Your on holiday. You can finally chill. But someone messages you. The someone who thinks your still friend with, they won't leave you alone. They continously try and message you.
You block them.
You start enjoying your holiday again, but then you realise you only have a few days left. Then you realise how close college is then an these thoughts go round and round on repeat. You can't escape them.
Your at college. Trying to make friends yet again. Forcing yourself to socialize. Sitting next to random people. They begin taking to you, you all get on. But then one leaves for a different course and then soon the other one gets fed up, they stop coming to college. You become friends with someone else and then someone else talks to you. You all soon become really close friends.
