One more thing

Testing the water

Before we get going I want it noted that humans are capable of many things. One of the most common and one that is mastered at incredibly young ages is lying. Carter Stanning is one of the best. If you've ever witnessed her in action she'd be in bed with your wife and taking your car home. Nothing could prepare you for Carter. Nothing prepared me for her. I was so young when she graced my existence and it's only gotten more confusing and like I've said many times throughout my life, people come and go without any warning. They come and you're still processing how great they truly are when they either die or decide you're not what they were looking for. Carter Stanning moved so elegantly through people's lives and left a great sting in her wake. That sting is in most of my friends, including me, but no one more than James. James was completely not what Carter was looking for, mostly because she's gay but James never took no for an answer. He'd bring her things and show up to places she was at. No one knew he was like this until he met Carter and I saw through every word she ever spoke to him. Once she met him everything that came out of her mouth was a lie now. She'd lie to everyone just in case they'd say something to James. I was lucky enough to be her roommate but I was unlucky at the same time because she went into hiding and I was her only portal to the outside world. James started coming around when he noticed she was gone and asking if she was home and if she was okay. I'd say she was out or at her parents visiting but the best one was that she was at her parents house because they were updating the house and needed her for projects. I guess the gift of lying was also in me, one would hope when I was in theater throughout high school and help run a community theater with Carter and many other friends, that's where James fits in. James is one of the set builders/ lighting guy/ actor/ stage crew; we don't really have titles because everyone really does everything. But he's been in since the beginning when a few of the gang out of the high school class decided to do what we've always dreamed of and have a community theater troop. James always knew that Carter was gay but wanted her and swore he could turn her straight and it was not my idea to let him join the troop, not Carter's either.
     Once James started coming to the apartment it could only get worse and that's when I told him to let it go or I'd do something about it. He persisted and I took it to everyone in the troop, telling them about what he's put Carter through and about how he started coming to the apartment. Everyone said it was harassment but we just agreed to try and confront him about it. I knew it was stupid and I knew he'd be mad , especially at me. The next time he came to the house it was targeted at me. Yelling and screaming about how I was a snake this whole time and how I betrayed him and showing my true colors. He kept screaming about how I was a fag and trying to turn his friends against him. He was a man and I didn't deserve the right to speak to him. All I could think to say was that it's wrong for him to  do this and to leave her alone. I didn't realize that with every word he spoke I backed up a little and he drilled into me with every insult and point into my chest. He broke off and asked where she was and started frantically searching our house. She wasn't there that week, this time she really was at her parents because her brother was home from Colorado. We were lucky but I knew there's no way it'll happen again and decided we needed help. That night I called my mom and asked for advice she told me we needed to move and call the police. 3 days later once Carter got home I told her what happened and what my mom said, she laughed and said it wouldn't fix anything. The next month we were in a new apartment across town. It was smaller and farther from the theater but no one knew the address but us. James lay dormant for a while and Carter started to get back to the theater. She decided to direct and the production of life went smoothly for now. Well into the real production a month from opening, James resurfaced. At this point no one in the troop trusted him because now they knew why Carter was gone for so long and only left the house to go to work.
     The day it happened it was a rehearsal and half way through act 2 he strode in the stage door and said hi to everyone before going out into the audience to see the show and how it looked. Carter could tell something was wrong because crew flocked the stage and everyone looked awkward/ scared. I ran to her but he got there before me. He grabbed her and held her like he'd never experienced female contact. He stroked her hair and profusely asked questions like if she was okay, if she was doing well, and how her life has been like he wasn't the one to cause her pain and her mental instability. I launched myself over to them yanking the man off her. In the process I blacked out from rage because apparently I punched him in the face and pushed Carter into Amanda, Grace, Shelly, and Brian , our seamstress buds, to take her back stage and away from him. He came back and punched me , the whole thing turned into a fight and I needed to be pulled off him. His nose was bleeding pretty bad and he had trouble walking but he got in my face and said there's nothing I can do to keep him away from her. I said that I won't let anything like that happen to her and that he needs to try harder  to get me out of the way. He turned and walked out the front doors. That night Carter got me ice cream and asked me to stop being so hard headed. That was the first time I told her I loved her.

      It wasn't that she didn't love me; it was easier for me to believe she wasn't ready or she just wasn't looking for anything. It hurt but I didn't mind and that was the sting. The sting of rejection and a constant awkward silence filled the apartment now but it soon became comfortable again when we both let that night go. My mind let it go the same time that everyone involved with the troop had to go in for questioning with the police about James Hann. Apparently he'd been a completely different person on the inside and dating back to junior year, he'd been involved with a drug ring and they'd been caught. The police didn't need the theater company about drugs though; Carter's family wanted James to be dealt with the way he deserved. I felt like shit the whole time knowing that I should of went to the police sooner. I was scared that he'd do something and word got out to the police that we had a fist fight. They asked me about how he threatened the lives of my friends and how I broke his nose and he messed up my right shoulder bit I refuse to believe its hurt enough to go to a doctor about. Even though the whole problem is behind us, it doesn't feel like it was just 2 months ago. 

Carter went back home and this apartment never felt so big and empty. I was starting to think home was the best option for me too. It's not like my home life is terrible, many people are less fortunate than me and I am thankful that I'm lucky enough to have my mother and siblings. It's not that they're thousands of miles away either, it's just a few hours away from the city and I could go home anytime I want. But an apartment/cat sitter is needed, I'm sure Greg the cat would not appreciate the car ride. Now that Carter is gone though I want to start working on myself. I guess that's why I'm writing this. I want to catch up on things but I don't want this to end up like all the other attempts at communication with you. You're another great liar and I was just hoping that you wouldn't hurt as much as Carter does. She really stings and i thought perusing her would be something i could handle. I didn't just come out here with her to get in her pants though,  we've been friends for years. I just realized i had feelings for her before all the nonsense began. Her rejection was harsh but you're no better. You could say 'I told you so' as much as you want but I just need to know if I'm wrong with her. I just want to catch up on things because I haven't seen you since Graduation and I wanted to catch up. I know I'm talking a lot about me; I just want to know what you've been up to and what life has been like for you. Adulting is getting harder and harder. 

With all the love I can send, your friend, Ruby Pilgrim