Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

XL

XL.
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Song of the chapter:
Fetish by Selena Gomez ft. Gucci Mane
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Aren't you supposed to feel amazing after the first time you have sex? Aren't you supposed to feel comfortable and safe? Aren't you supposed to actually acknowledge the person you just had sex with? Why do I feel the opposite? Why do I feel like this?

My naked, sweaty body was sprawled out beside the person I had just given myself to for the first time. My stomach turned, and my mouth went dry-- two feelings I did not expect to have after sex. Justin hadn't said anything in almost ten minutes, which was unlike him. Something wasn't right, and I immediately regretted my decisions over the previous hours.

I should have stayed home.

I pressed my lips together to fight them from trembling. Internally, I was hurt, but I knew I couldn't show Justin that. He knew that sex was something that I took seriously considering I had never done it before. Him not speaking or showing any reaction afterwards was simply humiliating for me. If he had even the slightest of clues, he would have understood that.

Am I overreacting?

Sucking my teeth, I sat up and began collecting my clothes around the room to cover myself up as quickly as possible. Justin didn't deserve to see me like that.

Stupid girl.

I tugged my underwear over my shivering legs and then my bra. Truthfully, I hoped that maybe Justin would have said something to stop me when he noticed how frazzled I was, but he didn't. He didn't say a word. Not even as I began pulling on my clothes that I had originally worn to his apartment.

Why isn't he saying anything? Does he not care at all? Is he really that heartless?

Untucking my hair from the collar of my sweatshirt, I turned to look at Justin who remained still on his bed, only his eyes were on mine. As badly as I wanted to yell at him for doing exactly what I was afraid of, I knew he would win if I did. Also, I couldn't find it within myself to say anything at all. I was absolutely humiliated.

"I'm going to go," I murmured, my voice shaking like never before.

Justin sat up, his eyes puzzled. It was a strange look for the situation we were in. "I can drive you."

I shook my head, knowing that I was going to break at any moment. I didn't want him to see me that way. He had no right to know that he could make me feel so terribly. Also, I couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the car for another silent ten minutes.

"I'll walk."

Justin scooped his underwear off the floor quickly, putting them on before standing up and walking towards me. I backed up, showing him that I didn't want anything to do with him.

"You're not walking home, Kennedy," he declared.

"I'll be just fine," I retorted.

He stepped forwards. I stepped back. "Stop being so stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn. Did you ever stop and think that maybe I don't want you around me?" I spat, knowing right away that I didn't mean that. I loved when he was around. I felt so good about myself.

"Kennedy, you don't understand--"

"Oh, I understand," I interrupted. "You used me for sex. You got it. And now you're done with me. I'm tossed to the side just like everyone else. I understand completely."

"What?" Justin nearly gasped, his face appearing more confused than I had ever seen it. "What are you talking about?"

"What do you think I'm talking about?" My voice was growing louder. "You literally just sat there and didn't say a fucking word after you knew how nervous I was about this. For someone with as much experience as you, I would have expected more. I'm so embarrassed right now," I held my hand to my forehead. "I can't believe I let this happen. I'm so stupid."