Open Wounds

I know you

I have known you for almost as long as I have known myself

And as I have come to know myself more

I began to know you more than I have before

I know you

But you do not know all of me

I worry what you may think if you could see

Will you too, like the boys before, 

Scrape at my insides

Desperate for a taste of something I had not yet discovered the flavour of

Assault

He calls it love

I call it stop

He continues

Will you too pretend to not know that it shouldn't hurt

Will you take maybe as a yes

And no as be quiet

I did not know what love was supposed to be

Until I had it forced into me

I still do not know what love is

Will you be the other boy to take my confidence and heart 

Tie them to strings above my dwindling mind

Pulling at one that is deep rooted in my chest

So close to the breasts that he once felt

Even if it was for one night only

Will you too find me convenient

But not continuous

Will you take the time to act as if you care

Say you simply can't

And find another girl in a month

Will you be the boy that calls me at 3am just after his last shot

With one thing rock hard but my heart is not

The booty call combined with friendship

That will never be more than just that

My love nothing more than a trampled doormat

Will you be the boy who messages me years later

After teaching me what it means to have nightmares

Asking if he can sneak into my room at night

Will you the be one I don't want to think of in the morning

Strong arms, greedy hands, taking as they please

Never learning what consent means

Or will you be the one who sees me in my darkest moments and decide

I am too much

I do not blame you.

I will not ask would you

But I will ask could you

Could you be the one who makes me forget every boy

Who has ever taken my body as a free service and my lips

As something to bite closed

Could you be the one to love my mind and laugh

Far before you see my skin

To be the boy who will happily take his time to breathe me in

Could you be the one I think of when I hear the word love

Could you be the one that makes drunk kissing worth it if it is you I get to taste

Could you be the one I think of in the morning

Holding me close

Strong arms, soft hands, gentle, protective

The one who hears my heart beat

And is finally receptive

Could you be the boy that makes me feel like floating when my chest falls

Could you be the one to help me stand when all I can do is crawl

Could you allow yourself to

See Me

Feel Me

Breathe Me

Hold Me

Kiss Me

Love Me

Could you be that boy?