Sadness. It surrounded me all of the time. I saw my friend's sadness, my parent's sadness, even stranger's sadness. Of course I knew there is happiness in life, but all I noticed is the sadness. I could always see the darkness that strangles the world and holds on tightly, so tightly. Sometimes if I was lucky, I would see the dark hold falter and light shine through. But it only ever lasted for a short period. Then, I was smacked back into reality hoping to feel that weight lift once again. I was stuck in a never ending circle of repetition and I didn't know how to free myself so that I was able to witness the real beauty around me.
I went to school every day and I wore a smile that I prayed to God was believable. I laughed like normal people, I had conversations like normal people, and I did my work like normal people. So, why did I feel anything but normal? Exams were approaching and all I wanted was to get through them, preferably with high marks. Slowly people were transitioning into shorts and t-shirts with summer break in mind. I for one couldn't wait. My break was perfectly planned and no one was going to ruin it. On Wednesday I was going to start my job at the public library, where for the next two months I would be able to forget all my worries amongst the books. I'd attend all the summer parties, parades, and beach hangouts. All I wanted was to be happy for my friends and my boyfriend, so I didn't ruin the mood. Hopefully I would go back to normal. Hopefully.
So that's how I saw my near future panning out and damn it if I've been told a million times to expect the unexpected because that's exactly what I should have done. Hah, unexpected it all was alright.
