My Life as Mrs. Crosby

Getting the News.

 We were laying in bed, finally going to sleep after a long day. I was on my side, trying to get comfortable so I could fall asleep.

"Stop moving around," Sidney told me. He was reading some magazine and I was interrupting him.

"I can't get comfortable, my back hurts really bad."

"Do you want a heating pad?"

"Please," He got up and walked out to the closet. Sid came back with the heating pad and plugged it in, placing it on the bed so I could lay down, "You're the best."

He lightly kissed my lips and went back to his side of the bed. It took me a while to fall asleep, but I think that was just because Sidney still had the lamp on. I woke up a few hours later, something wasn't right. I sat up, throwing the covers off me and turning on the light.

"Sid. Sid, wake up," I started shaking his shoulders, trying not to cry. I didn't know much about being pregnant, but I knew this was something that should not be happening.

"What's going on?"

"I'm bleeding."

He immediately got out of bed, throwing on a sweatshirt and a pair of shoes.

"Come on. Let's go to the hospital," he calmly told me as he grabbed me a clean pair of sweats. He held my hand the entire way there, as if I would be gone if he let go. I think we both knew what had happened, we didn't say anything though. We just hoped for the best.

The nurse came in with a somber face, confirming our worst fears, "I'm sorry Mrs. Crosby.."

I didn't let her finish before I folded over in the chair, letting out a loud cry. Sidney put a hand on my back, I flinched away from him.

"How far along was she?" 

"Almost 8 weeks," he replied. The nurse said we could go and to come back if we anything else went wrong. I got up and walked out to the car, clinging to my husband's arm. I spent the drive home crying, screaming, hitting the dash, doing anything that would make me feel a little better.

I walked up the steps to our house, Sidney following close behind. I turned to look at him and could tell he was ready to cry. There were very few times I had seen him shed tears. Never had I seen him like this, though. He completely let his emotions go. He held me tight and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you so goddamn much. You are my everything. We'll get through this, okay?"

I don't know how long we stood there crying, but I woke up the next day and my eyes were still swollen. I rolled over to see Sidney sitting at the foot of the bed talking to someone on the phone.

"We um, we lost the baby," he said, choking up as he told them what had happened, "I'm going to take a break for a few days. Okay, thanks." 

He stayed where he was for a minute, trying not to break down. I sat up and crawled over to him, putting my head on his shoulder. He grabbed my hand and squeezed. Neither of us knew what to say and neither of us wanted to move. 

The first few days were rough. I didn't spend much time anywhere besides our bed. People stopped by, bringing us dinner and giving us flowers. It was great knowing we had so many people supporting us, but there was still no amount of cheesecake could help me feel better about the fact that in 6 months, I won't be a mother. Sidney stayed strong while people were in our house, he held me when I started crying for the third - or eleventh - time that day. But when we were all alone, he stopped holding everything in. He was every bit as upset as I was.

Sidney was hopefully going to play in every game this season, including those in Sochi. He stayed home from a weeks worth of games to make sure I was okay. I told him I would be fine, but he wouldn't budge. He kept telling me I was more important than hockey and that he didn't care about the records or the amount of games he played this season.

His first game back, I decided to go with. I sat in the wives suite, not really making an effort to talk to anyone. People came to say hi, but I didn't do anything other than fake a smile and go back to watching warm ups. During one of the intermissions, I watched one of Sidney's interviews. They were careful not to ask about what had happened, but I could still see that he was trying his best to hold everything in.