It Moves

I slowly walk towards the door, listening to the fibres clench together when i take a step on the carpet underneath me. As i balance myself, stabilising my body with the help of the hand rail, i listen deeper picking up the slighest sounds coming from the hallway. I hear queer creaks sliding across the floor boards whilst gusts of wind come from the guest room, at the other end of the corridor.

As i go to take my next step, i bump into a flat surface. My hand reacts, searching for a cold and round base. I clench my fingers around the door knob, twisting my wrist to gently push open my door.

My eyes shut tightly, not knowing what to expect. I gently push the door open, thinking off all the different posibilties.

But nothings different.

The bedsheet's creases are still left in its place, the top left-hand corner of the duvet is folded over from when they last got out of bed. Their bed-side clock, still ticking per usual. The decorations hanging off the cieling; still dangling.

I just felt like looking around to see if they were there. Just like yesterday and the day before, a week before, a month before; like they have been my whole life.

I turn around and furrow my eyebrows, thinking whether if i should turn back that i might see them standing there but of course i wont.

I close the door, making sure i dont wake them up. Even though, they aren't there, it doesnt mean i cant treat them like they dont exist in my world.

++

I was thinking for a moment, as i do when i lie here in bed. I was thinking about all the possibilities that could occur at any second but why did this have to happen? I never intended on this, i dont deserve this.

As i start to tremble inside, wondering whether anything will ever be okay again; tears run down my face, making my eye sockets turn shades of pink making them swell up.

Exactly a year ago, i had a brother, a boyfriend and a bestfriend but it still moves.