Check-Mate

Letter 1

Maybe it's none of my business to ask you how you are, but then who cares. Knowing me, I'd do the polar opposite of everything I'm actually supposed to do. Here I am, writing to you. The very thing I probably shouldn't be doing.
So how're you? Happy seeing me this way are you now? To see what a marvelous bloody destruction you created? To see me vulnerable, miserable?
I know you probably assume I hate you know just like some other things you assumed. But trust me, hate is something I don't feel anymore truth be told. You know when you heat iron and it can't be heated anymore, it just starts to glow.
Out of all emotions I feel, grateful is one I always associate with you, with us. I thank you for making me realize how much of depth resides within me, how deeply I can love someone who never belonged to me. I am grateful to you for acquainting me with the strength to forgive someone for our own sake.
Sleepless nights have now become a routine. Thoughts always turn into nightmares. Hope turns to despair. Sometimes I feel like I'm beyond repair. Getting lost in finding answers only to realize the questions wrong. Missing you all day every day..with every living breath. Each second bringing with it a pain so unbearable, shrinking me to an extent my existence itself becomes questionable. Veins constructing infinitely, gushing blood out through a pen. A fist ruthlessly clenching my gut. A shout for help inaudible even to my own ears. I look down to find the bloody hand to be no one else's but mine.