Learning To Feel Again

Chapter 15

1 month later

I run to the bathroom and throw up once again. It feels like my intestines are coming out of my body. My throat is burning and stinky. I'm now sure that I have the flu or something. This has been going on for like two weeks, but me being me thought it was food poisoning. 

I brush my teeth once again and grab my bag and car keys. I slip on my flip flops as I exit my bedroom. 

"Hey there beautiful" I look over and see Asher coming up the stairs. 

"Hey" I say as I make my way past him. 

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" he says grabbing my hand lightly. 

"I'm just going out for a drive. I'll be home soon" I take back my hand and continue down the stairs and straight to the door. 

"I love you" he shouts and I close the door behind me without commenting back. 

I don't know why I can't say it to him anymore. I haven't said it since Ethan raped me. I feel wrong. I feel dirty. I love Asher a lot, but I know that he would be pissed if he ever found out. But I can't tell anyone. My dad would be so upset and there are so many repercussions. There is also the fact I have no fucking proof. 

I bang the steering wheel and let out a small scream. "God damn it. Why can't I just have the balls? I should have told when I had that big ass bruise on my stomach" 

Whatever. It is over and done with. I pull into the parking lot of Starbucks and hop out of my car. I walk into the brown building and take a whiff of the odor. I gag a little but continue to the register. 

"Can I get a medium hot chocolate please?" I ask the barista. 

"Coming right up" she grabs a cup "Can I get your name?"

"Alex" she writes my name onto the cup. 

I go stand next to the counter as she makes my order. After three minutes I hear my name get called. "Alex" I walk over to her and grab my drink. "Thanks" I walk to a little table in the corner and pull out my phone. 

Opening the Safari tab, I type in 'Nausea for weeks' and hit search. 

I rake my eyes over the possible illnesses until my eyes land on one. One that stood out the most. One that made the most sense. One that I should have seen coming. How could I have been so fucking stupid? 

"Fuck" I mumble under my breath. I get up without grabbing my drink and run out of the building and into my car. I drive to the closest drug store and park my vehicle there. 

I scan the different aisles until I come across the aisle with the test. I grab two First Response tests and check out. I throw the bag into the backseat of my Jeep and drive home. I'm probably driving like a mad woman but I honestly don't care at the moment. I pull into the drive and park the car. I take a deep breath and place the bag inside my purse. 

I walk into the house greeted by the smell of soup. That is gonna be great after the day I've had. I run up the stairs ignoring my dads hello and make it to my room but not before I am spotted by Asher. 

"Hey Alex" I freeze for a moment as I hear his deep voice. "Alex?" he asks again but I ignore him and go into my room. I lock the door behind me and head straight to the bathroom. 

I take both of the tests out of their boxes and read the directions. It pretty much says pee on the stick and wait five minutes. 

I do as I'm instructed and pee on the sticks and then set them on the counter. I wash my hands and set a five-minute timer on my phone. I pace around my room anxious of what the results will be. "God this is taking forever" I shake my head and sit on my chair. I lay my head on my hand and take deep breaths.