May Bells (Oikawa x reader) {Final Haikyuu Quest!AU}

Blue Morning Glory

You found a bouquet of May bells on your windowsill one early and beautiful morning when you were 11, and though you never found out who left them there, you felt a smile on your lips when you saw the slightly browned edges of the petals and leaves. Despite the gentle smile on your face as you searched for a vase to hold them, something in the back of your mind felt so utterly and completely wrong. You ignored it, but you felt like you kinda had to throw up, like the bile was just lurking in the back of your throat. Amidst the yellow hue of the morning light cast by the rising sun, you casted an easy spell on the sweet smelling flowers, meant to keep them frozen in time forever.

The feeling didn't go away. You felt like vomiting for two weeks after that, you found a broken shard of quartz on accident when you stepped on it while barefooted outside, it smelled of lavender. It had cut your foot a little when you stepped on it but you'd be fine. You inspected the shard, then you turned your head away and threw up, and you felt awful. You kept the shard though, saved up enough money- and, uh, "borrowed" some from sister Mara- and eventually had it made into a necklace that you never took off for anything. A pure silver chain with a thin wire of silver holding the shard. The jagged points of the quartz were filled down and dulled, but if you pressed down hard enough you could still draw blood.

For six years those May bells sat in a vase on top your night stand, just as pristine as how they were they day you found them. You, on the other hand, hadn't stayed frozen in time. For you, time dragged on, a new day rearing it's ugly head every time you awoke.

Time went on, and as it did, sister Mara grew stricter and stricter, continuously imposing her ever increasing standards onto you and what she wanted you to become; you hated every single second of it. She demanded that you become a cleric without ever giving you a choice, you didn't want to, you wanted to become a mage and join a guild, not that it ever mattered to sister Mara. She hated the route your mother took in life, so she did everything in her power to make sure you grew up to be the stark opposite of her. It wasn't working too well.

You despise those looks of pity sister Elizabeth and sister Josefina give you when they think you aren't watching. You don't want their pity, why are they even pitying you in the first place? It doesn't make sense for it to be because of sister Mara forcing you to be a cleric, they began expressing their distaste for it a while ago- not that there's anything they can actually do about it since sister Mara became in change after your grandmama's unfair death. it makes you frustrated just thinking about it- and of course it's not like they'll make it easy on you for once and just tell you.

You're 16 now, you lay in your bed late at night- or maybe early in the morning? A candle stands as your only source of light- it's easy to extinguish in event that a nun checks up on you in the middle of the night- you lay beneath your bed sheets, staring at the warped shadows being casted all around your room by the orange, flickering light of the candle. You just feel so helpless and frustrated with it all, the worst part has been that you have no one to turn to, no one to rant to at the end of the day after it all inevitably turns sour. No one to talk to everyday, no one to lean on for support. Sure, you have some friends that you meet with occasionally, but they aren't close to you, you wouldn't miss them if they left, they aren't like what you had before. What you had before... what... what did you have before...?

It's a question that floats around your head too often for comfort, and every time you think about it you ultimately stop for one reason or another, one time when you were 14 you were so persistent that it physically hurt you, you ended up with an enormous migraine and you had to stay in bed the entire day because simply turning your head made the whole room spin violently; you could barely keep down the soup sister Elizabeth fed you because of it. Sister Mara was mad that day, you could tell, but... not at you, you still wonder why.