offsetting minors | s. crosby

Fancy meeting you here

"You want to make the first cut?" Dr. Alvarez pushes the scalpel towards me and I stare down at it, shocked that he's offering.

Justin's shaved head is marked with a squiggly black line where the first incision needs to be made. With shaking hands, I take the scalpel from Dr. Alvarez. "Are you sure?"

"Are you sure, Dr. Greyson? Because that's what matters here."

I steady myself with a huge breath in and tighten my grip on the knife. "I'm sure."

This is the first time I've ever cut into the skin of an actual living, breathing person. Cadaver lab in medical school didn't prepare me for the exhilaration coursing through my body at the prospect of performing a real surgery on a person whose life depended on it. The other interns are going to be so jealous.

The scalpel goes in easily and all of a sudden, Dr. Alvarez is taking control, the clock is starting, and the surgery is underway. We've got a huge undertaking ahead of us- fourteen hours on our feet face-to-face with a beast of brain tumor that is just as smart as we are. But Dr. Alvarez is confident and very good at his job, and so I decide that I have to be just as optimistic about this. 

About six hours into the surgery, my feet are already beginning to ache even though I'd worn my most comfortable pair of sneakers. Dr. Alvarez isn't showing any signs of fatigue, but these long-haul surgeries aren't new to him. He's attacking the tumor with a level of precision and attention that maybe one day I'll be able to emulate. 

Dr. Alvarez pulls away from Justin's open brain and steps back to stretch his shoulder muscles. "We've reached the optic nerve. Greyson, you want to step in?"

"Absolutely, sir." This is probably the most intimidating part of this surgery- one mistake and I take away Justin's vision forever. This could potentially go very, very wrong, but with Dr. Alvarez standing right there making sure that I don't screw up, I'm pretty sure that I can handle it. 

I take the knife from him and peer down into Justin's open brain. Holy shit, this is really happening.

"Okay, Greyson. You're going to want to start dissecting away at the tumor mass starting at this junction right here. You can go to town with it, but just be careful not to nick the optic nerve."

I do as he says and start hacking away at the mass that had would have taken away Justin's eyesight if we'd let it continue to grow for a couple more days. When anyone asked me why I wanted to put all my effort into being a surgeon, this was the answer. If things continued to go well, a little boy would be given back his life, and these fourteen hours of grueling work would be worth it.

"Excellent work, Dr. Greyson. Looks like you made it out with good margins."

I take a step back from the table and look at what I've done. I managed to free the nerve from the tumor, and while we won't know if anything went wrong until Justin wakes up, there don't seem to be any obvious signs of error, thank God.

The rest of the surgery is painstaking but it goes by quickly. Save for a part where the tumor had cleverly wrapped its way around a bundle of nerves that required some creativity to work around, Dr. Alvarez was a rockstar during the entire procedure and as far as we can tell, Justin's brain looks tumor-free. 

Justin is still under anesthesia when we take him back up to his room after surgery. Dr. Alvarez surveys his vital signs once more, then leaves me with the instructions to monitor his signs until he wakes up, which could be in a few hours or even a few days, if things don't go according to plan. Optimistically, though, he'll be up and beginning his recovery by the end of the day.