i loved you and everything about you. i loved your snort and your noseyness and your tricky complex mindset and the way you made cute nicknames for me and how you would only sleep if the sun was in the sky and how you were just you.
i hated the way you made me worry. i hated being afraid of getting dumped, getting a call saying you had killed yourself on the bathroom floor, even being afraid to look your father in the eye. i hated having constant night terrors at your house, and being scared you'd wake up and try and calm me down, when really, you'd make it worse. i was afraid of sleeping on the edge of your bed, knowing you would kick me off in the middle of the night, only because i knew you would wake up and get upset because you hurt me. i hated crying around you, because you'd cry, and say things to make me stop. i hated not believing any of the things you'd say. i hated sleeping next to you, afraid to wake up being suffocated, both physically and emotionally. i was scared to tell you what hurt, and what broke me apart inch by inch. i hated lusting for a broken heart. because that's all ive ever known with you. i craved that argument that would end everything. i needed that shitty make up text, and i had a burning desire for you to make me suicidal with every single fucking cell in your body.
but i loved you.
YOU ARE READING
bipolar writing
Poetrythis is bipolar writing because honestly, you never know what the fuck im going to update with. sometimes it's things about family, maybe an ex, maybe its complete fiction. you just never know. so good luck not crying and feeling shitty. :)
