listening to sad songs. driving by trees watching them grow. and their growth is different from others the beat of the song fits the trees pattern like a heart beat. nature and animals inside the animus. magnifying the ignorance of the opinions of people who dont care. im constantly searching for isolation in the way i feel. what is the the resolution? i find my solution in a blade and my blood. i am the way i am because people made me like this. you think i want to be like this? the burning thoughts in my mind are always cancerous. Hallucinating a resolution wondering if it even really matters to find one bc the feelings to everyone else is not mutual. everything in life is made of matter i always slam the door sleep on the floor and feelings and thoughts seep into my brain wondering during the night, why and would it matter to lose this piece of matter ? always treating people with the piece they r looking for in search of something more. dreams of pockets full of rocks on the river floor crashing through my mind ruining the me who people may adore. feelings through the sky falling in the trees and falling till the ground hits, hits me like facefresh making me think things that are excruciating. going up bridges makes the elevation higher. see the birds fly in the exquist air that is so clear you can feel the breath you take and feel it go through your paramatic body like you never felt. the feeling is rare. when the rain is pouring makes you dance makes times soft and makes you want to fall. stuck inside patterns and patterns and patterns sleep is the only thing that matters. Physical, individual people their thoughts and behaviours r not mutual. yung regrets i always think about like the moment there wasnt any rain and have no way of freedom. i wish i could do anything i want so i could feel free but no, i always think about the result and always knows how it ends. wish i felt futility but all i feel is faultivity. but its okay one day ill just be bones in a coffin they say anything is possible but they r not right. but they r sure right on that one. everyone dies ill be gone one day. all my faulties, mistakes, worries no more hearing me bitch and moan about little things like the price of cookies everything will all be gone i still just drive and stare at trees bc what else do i have to do? im just a burden anyways.
-ash ✨.
