"some times your have to let go" i said to my self quitley as if some one was right beside me.
This small piece of metal in front of me has been haunting me for the past 3 days.
I quickly ran to the wash room.
"go away!" i yelled at the silver blade in my hands throwing it in the water of the toilet bowl flushing it right when it hit the water.
With my back agianst the door slowly sinking to the floor, tears threating to fall.
"what have i gotten myself into?" i asked myself tears now making its way down my face.
I get up off the floor wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.
Making my way to the mirror on the wall meeting the gaze of my own eyes that were filled with discust.
Breaking the eye contact with my own refelction now looking down at my once beautiful skin, now cuts and scars fill that space.
I dont feel sorry for myself, i dont think people in this case do. I believe they deserve to be there. Im worthless.
I know later on i will regret throwing the blade away. I need it right now in fact. I need to feel the blood that pours from the freshly new cuts the peice of metal creates on my skin. I need to punish myself for the mistakes i made.
Knowing my blade is gone i decide i need to find a new one. I wont let myself get away with the mistakes and horror i bring on myself.
Grabing a freshly bought shaver out of the cabnet i try and pop the blades out nothing happens beside the very sharp edges cutting the tips of my fingers open. Not caring that blood is dripping down my finger onto my pants leaving a new stain i would have to take time getting it out before some one sees it.
Getting sick of the time its taking to get the blades out i decide to throw the shaver at the wall hoping it would just break. Picking it up noticing it losened at bit.
Pulling it apart fulling now taking the small tiny blades out placing them infront of me. Rolling up my sleave taking a blade and placing it on my skin.
"im a mistake" i said dragging the blade across my skin making a freshly new cut.
"im worthless" creating another cut.
"im pathetic" adding another cut.
"im ugly" another cut.
"im fat" another cut.
"i dont deserve life" pushing the blade deep into my skin.
watching as the blood soon starts to pour down my arm. I get up and put my arm under the water slightly stinging as the water makes contact with the newly parted skin.
Drying the wetness from my arm i make my way to my bed room. Getting under the warm duvet holding my arm close to my body, i close my eyes letting the darkness take over.
