Dead Man's Hand

Prologue: Swallowed Whole

The bathroom door is locked. Mom and Dad are out on Date Night. The lights in the house are all off. It's the perfect plan.

With my back against the door, I take a deep breath, replaying the last few days over and over in my head.

Yes, this is right. Go away, Voice.

I walk to my sink, staring at the hollow semi-circles under my eyes. I look sickening; almost deathly.

Ignore those. Just do it. Go away, Voice.

I peel my shirt off of my back, carefully dropping it in the clothes hamper. Next, I slide out of my jeans and underwear, disposing them in the same place as the shirt. My feet are bare, as is the rest of my body.

I stare at my naked body in the mirror. I look even more ill with ribs stretching my pale skin. What a terrifying thought it is to be doing what I'm doing.

Shut up and just do it. Go away, Voice.

I then turn my attention to the shower, making sure to turn the water on lukewarm; not too hot and not too cold. I step into the porcelain tub, the water spraying onto my back, trickling down to my butt and between my thighs.

Yes, this is right. Go away, Voice.

With the water still running, I reach an arm out of the shower and grab the bottle of Prozac sitting on the sink.

Yes, yes! Go away, Voice.

With one hand holding the bottle, I use the other to twist the safety sealed cap off.

There they are. Go away, voice.

Yes, there they are. The fly high pill everyone at school has been talking about. Except, little do they know, I'll be soon flying high for good.

I empty a dozen or so pills into my hand, gazing at them. Admiring there beauty of such lethal force.

One. Go away, Voice.

Two. Go away, Voice.

Three. Down the hatch they go. I swallow them whole, straining my throat to stay moist without any liquid to help the pills slide down. It's surprisingly easier than I had thought.

See? Easy. Go away, Voice.

I continue my shower, letting the water soak my skin. Everything feels fine. I don't understand. Shouldn't I be puking or something? Then, it happens.

The dizziness hits first, the strongest of the three things that happen to me. I struggle to stand in the shower, so I decide to step out, leaving the water to run.

Next, the blurriness coats my eyeballs. I can't even see my own reflection in the mirror that I'm struggling to stand in front of.

Finally, I feel the weight of the world fall off of my shoulders as my eyes flutter and I feel a hard blow to my right shoulder.

At last, my eyes close.