Behind Classroom Doors

XV- Distractions

Whatever has been happening with my crazy life needs to stop. It's not fair for me to do this to Dean, especially if he's trying to be better. I've decided that Mr. Morgan needs to find a new TA and that way I can distance myself from him.

I'm really nervous and jittery, the last couple times we were in that room alone together we made out. That can't happen again as much as I want it to. "Jesus, Livia chill out."  Jenny whispers over to me in third period. Mrs. Ryle gave us group assignments to work on while she finishes next week's lesson plans. I stop moving my leg, "Sorry, I didn't realize." I apologize.

They stare at me, "Livia, are you doing okay? You seem really off." Bee asks.

"Is this about the Masquerade Dance?" Jenny plays with one of her curls as she looks at me.

My mouth drops, "Oh my God, I completely forgot about the dance." The Masquerade Dance is like a Halloween party that the school throws only with more ball gowns and masks.

My mind has been so far away from a dance lately. "Not everything is always about a Dance, Jenny." Bee scolds.

Jenny scoffs, "Then what is it?"

What can I tell her? Oh sorry I'm distracted I'm dealing with a control freak boyfriend and I've also made out with my History teacher on two occasions. Not exactly a good conversation topic. "I've just been trying to get back to normal with Dean." Well, at least it's not a lie.

"You never did tell us what that fight was about. Are you guys okay?" Becca questions as quietly as possible. I appreciate her subtlety.

I nod, "We just got into a little fight but we're getting through it. This year has been hard for him, he doesn't want me to leave him after graduation." I'm aware that I told him I would go with him to California but I said yes for him. One day I want to readdress it.

"He just loves you, Livia. It'll all work out." Jenny assures me. For my sake I hope she's right. "So, we need to go shopping for the Masquerade Dance."

Becca rolls her eyes playfully, "All you ever think about is shopping."

She nods, "It's my passion in life."

"Well I'm free tomorrow after school. Dean has a thing with his dad."

Jenny smiles in excitement. "It's a date."

           
Once school is over I knock on Mr. Morgan's open door. He looks up at me with a small smile. "Hey."

"Hey." I say. "I think you should get a new TA." I tell him while I still have the courage.

His smile falters. "Will you come in and close the door please?" I do what he says, closing the door and looking at him expectantly. "Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday?"

Mr. Morgan stands up and walks around to lean on the front of his desk. His arms cross over his chest as he looks at me. "Yes."

With my confirmation, he walks up to me and cups my face. I lean into him, "Don't quit being my TA. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable." His hand moves away and back to his side.

I take a deep breath, "You didn't make me feel uncomfortable. In fact I liked the way you made me feel." This grabs his attention, his gaze is so much harder than before. "It can't happen again. I'm with Dean and that's not going to change. Not to mention every moral reason for why this can't happen." The more I talk the more I convince myself that I'm being stupid thinking about Mr. Morgan in any way other than a teacher.

His jaw tightens like he's trying to stop himself from fighting me on this. In the end he agrees, "I understand. That doesn't mean you have to stop being my TA. Stay and I promise nothing else will happen between us unless you're ready." His promise surprises me.

"Why do you even want anything to happen between us? A month ago you hated me?" I keep my voice low and leveled.

Mr. Morgan runs his fingers through his chocolate brown hair. He's so different from Dean. Even his eyes are a burning green compared to Dean's bright blue. "I never hated you Livia." When he doesn't offer me anything else to the topic I grab the door handle.

"Dean is waiting for me, I wasn't planning on staying here today." I know what he promises and I want to stay. As weird as it's going to be, I actually like being his assistant. I just think I need a few days. My hand slips from the handle as he begins walking toward me. 

To my surprise Mr. Morgan walks past me with an unreadable expression and opens the door for me, "I'll see you in class, Ms. Gardner." I'm a little offended by his cold tone but walk out anyway.

When I meet up with Dean at the end of the hall he wraps his arm around me. "So what do you want to do today?" I ask, ignoring the fact that I don't lean into Dean the way I do Mr. Morgan.

Dean smiles, "Well I was thinking you would want a driving lesson."

I stop and look up at him. "Really?" I ask.

Dean nods and pulls his keys out of his pocket. Then he hands them to me, I jump up and wrap my arms around Dean's neck. "Your welcome." He mumbles in amusement as he hugs me back.

"I'm so glad we did this. I feel so much better about the dance now."

"A brand new dress will do that. Not to mention how hot you look in it." I remind Jenny as I stuff a fry in my mouth. Mall court food isn't the greatest but we were starving.

Jenny picks at her salad, "Yeah but I'm starting to worry about my weight. I'm not able to fit into my dress from last year." I look at Jenny, my very beautiful, very model shaped, best friend. Her parents have had her on a diet since she was born. There isn't a "fat" bone in her body.

Bee must be thinking the same as me because she says, "It's perfectly normal to grow out of your clothes, you're still the prettiest girl in school Jen." I nod in agreement.

"Well my parents would kill me if they found out I was gaining weight. I've just been so hungry lately...like an endless period craving." I stop myself from rolling my eyes. If her parents were mine they'd disown me for being too big. It should honestly be child abuse for the mental torture they've done to Jenny her whole life. They claim to be religious yet they hold her to every crazy beauty standard just to win a pageant every year.

  Becca slides over her plate of fries in front of Jenny, "If you want food Jenny then eat it. You're eighteen and your pageant days can be over now." Jenny sighs and stands up quickly.

"You're right." Jenny grabs her salad with fat free dressing and throws it in the trash behind us. Then she takes Becca's fries and actually enjoys herself while eating them.

I smile at my best friend, then her attention turns to me, "So did you and Dean figure out the whole college situation?"

I shake my head, "I haven't brought it up yet. I don't know how to tell him that I don't want to go to California with him." Not to mention I'm a little scared of what he might do.

Bee points a finger at me, "You should just tell him. He's never going to leave you so stand your ground." I'm normally all for a- What's the worst that can happen?- scenario, but this one's a little complicated.

"What if it backfires and I lose him?"

"It won't, just try it. It's your life, you should live it how you choose." I know she's right but I don't know how to handle Dean's temper anymore.

Despite my hesitance I say, "I will."