Ritual (An Andley Oneshot)

Flicking my long, raven coloured hair from my eyes, I stood to look in the mirror. The person staring back at me, I did not recognise. His chocolate brown eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a complete mess and his usually smooth face was strained. Over the past few weeks I had watched this man change entirely. He was once a happy, carefree man.

But now…                                                

I couldn’t take it any longer. I sighed, turning away from the bathroom mirror and to the shower. Feeling the cool water on my hot, taut skin was Heaven in its finest form. I just stood there, eyes closed, soaking up this feeling of pure, complete freedom. I opened my eyes slowly and spotted something hidden, glinting in the light.

My weakness. Andy hadn’t found it yet. Pulling the blade from its hiding place; I ran it along my hip bones, once, twice, a third time- sighing in content at the pain it brought for me. I muttered a line from a song that part of me knew.                                                                                             

“What you do to feel alive..."                                                                                                                                         

This. This pain, was my only escape from this terrible world, from everything. Even Andy. If only he knew…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           I punched the shower wall.                                                                                                                                                                                      

NO.                                                                                                                                                                                            

Andy could never know. I turned off the shower and watched as the last of the bloody water swirled down the drain.

“Ashley?”

“Fuck,” I muttered, pulling on a shirt and some jeans. I hissed as they grazed the fresh cuts on my hips.

"Ash, you okay?"                                                                                                                                                       Andy hadn’t seen me in almost two whole weeks. Of all the days, why did he choose today to show up?       

 “Yeah, I’ll be right out.” I wrapped an old shirt around my bloody hand and braced myself for the wrath of Andrew Biersack.

Andy was pissed off to say the least. I mostly zoned out on his shouting and focussed more on my newly broken hand.   “For fuck sakes Ashley! Are you even fucking listening to me?!” I looked up into Andy’s face. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were tear-stained.

I sighed, “I’m sorry Andy, for putting you through this. But you have to understand, it’s my life and I’ll do what I want with it. That you have no say in.”

I turned from Andy but he caught my arm. “I know about this Ash,” he said pointing to my hips. I didn’t say anything; I just stared blankly up at him. Andy rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing slightly faded, pale white scars.  “I didn’t want to have to show you this. You’re not alone, Ash. I know what it feels like. I’ve been through a similar thing. But I promise you, unlike me, you won’t have to do it alone.”

Andy kissed the top of my head. “I can tell you haven’t slept in days. Come, lay with me Ashley.” I followed him to our bed and curled up in his warm, loving arms. “Thank you, Andrew,” I mumbled into his chest.

“It’s fine Ash. It’s what I’m here for. I love you, just as I always have. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you Ashley. And whatever pain and suffering you’re going through, I won’t question. I will always be here for you. You’ll never have to be alone through this ever again.” Andy held me tight, humming softly.

And, for the first time in weeks, I slept.