Author's Note: I won't say his name or my real name. I will refer my Ex-Boyfriend as "Him" or Vincent for reasons and my real name will be replaced for Rose. As a note for him, "I will always love you no matter what. I won't live my life to the fullest without you by my side. If you never return, that's okay. I just hope that you will be happier with another person that you will make happy. I hope for the best to you and if something goes bad, remember that I will always be there for you with open arms." Anyways, I hope you enjoy my story.
I feel so empty... So useless, but somehow with a purpose... Weak yet so strong... Working perfectly, but feeling incomplete ... Since he left, I've never felt the same. I've been going on with my life just fine, but I can't help but remember him in every single one of my dreams. He's always there. My dreams might not be about him, but he is always watching me from a distance, studying me. He doesn't confront me, but he stares at me, as if he had the urge to walk up to me and say something. This has been going on for 3 months until a few days ago.
I was probably 20 years old in my dream, and I think I was in Mexico to visit my family, but in the dream, I was sitting outside a café that sold smoothies, drinks, and some food to get rid of those sweet cravings. I was taking a sip of a strawberry smoothie that I bought and I was looking at people pass by with things to do. Where were they going, I don't know. The busy place soon was empty and silent. It sent chills down my spine but got used to it after a while. After a few minutes, the people rushed back into the streets, but... this row of people started to make me feel uncomfortable. Why? I didn't know. I felt like if they were hiding something from me, something with a lot of value.
It wasn't until then that I saw," Him" looking at me as he walked towards my direction. At the moment, I thought it was a random stranger because I couldn't quite recognize him. He was wearing a dark red t-shirt with some jeans and black shoes. His soft curly brown hair was tied in a ponytail like he used to have it. He also had his small glasses, and remember I use to love to mess around with them. He confronted me, but he looked as confused as I was.
"Rose?" He asked with such curiosity but questioning my appearance. It wasn't until then that I heard his deep voice that sparked something in me." Vincent?" He sat next to me and he didn't look away for a second. In fact, he didn't blink and he kept on studying me with surprised eyes and a small smile. I felt speechless. The dream felt so real that I was convinced that I was talking to him in real life. He grabbed my hands and started to rub them as if it was a soft piece of clothing that were too hard to put down due to the satisfying texture. He looked nervous and started to sweat." It's been so long." I gave a small smile."4 years can get you really bad," I said as he kept on touching my hands. I pulled away my hands slowly but not because I didn't want him to touch me, but because I was growing nervous and I wanted to finish my strawberry smoothie to see if I could calm down. To my surprise, I had already finished it, so I stood up to throw my trash away. When I did, he stood up with me and looked at my shoes. One of them had the shoe lace untied. "Oh, let me help you with that." He kneeled down and started to tie them. I looked at my surroundings, but everyone disappeared again. When he finished, he looked up at
me and slowly raised up as he took a hold of my hand once again. He kissed it gently and got back up to his feet where my eyes met his. His brown eyes were reflected on the sun and it made it look like a soft chocolate color. He looked at me with relaxed eyes as he placed his hands on the lower part of my cheeks." It's been a while and... I sorry I made you feel like this... I'm sorry I wasn't there in your birthday... I'm sorry that I didn't make you feel right when you needed it... I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you always wanted me to... You have showed true love and dedication towards me after all these years of knowing you. I was never strong enough to show you true love... It was all I could give..." I knew where he was going with this." You kept you're promise after these 4 years of you suffering slowly without me. I haven't seen true dedication like this in my life..." I cut him off."... And I'm willing to wait longer for you if I have to... No matter how many times you betray me..." I could see tears gathering up in his eyes. "Why didn't you continue you're life in into a different path like other people would? What is it that makes me so special that you want me after all I did to you?" I took a deep breath. I've had that question asked from many people many time. Why don't you let him go? He's not worth it. You have to let go eventually. It's hard to explain but there is something that tells me that he is perfect for me.
"I didn't want to let go of you because I truly care about you. My memories of you are so valuable I could never forget them. I've shared so much passion with you that I would feel ashamed to share it with someone else. When I hear your name, so many memories come to me. I use to remember that we hid in some corners of the school to whisper things to each other. I use to ditch classes just to see you. I would meet you upstairs on a building after school to give you a good bye kiss. I also remember having to replace your name with a person in an article we had to read out loud in a class. That's was embarrassing, but it was worth it because I was showing you that I was always thinking about you, even when I made stupid mistakes. I know it was stupid of me to have a crush on 3 guys behind your back, but I came clean and I told you the truth. You took it well and you understood, which is one of the things I love most about you. We have never fought like most couples do and that is the thing. I'm not like those other people who fight. I understand that people go through things and I give them their time, just like what I did to you. I understand that you didn't think I was ready for this relationship and I told you I would risk it to make it better. I'm have tried to dedicate time for you but it was out of my hands to do so."
He stood quiet. He looked lost, but thought he understood." And... Why didn't you contact me after all these years?" My heart skipped a beat for a moment. " I didn't want to take your time away. I didn't know if you started to create a new life with a new person. I wanted to avoid being a wall on your life and bring trouble if by any chance you did make a new start. You future is what worried me. I wasn't worried about how you lived it... I was worried if you were living it the way you wanted it to be. I didn't want to be the cause that ruined your life. I already made it as bad as it already is." He had a sad expression on his face.
"Ruined my life? If I'd had to, I would want to re-live those moments just to see you again. All these years I thought you had forgotten me. I have been checking my phone constantly in the hopes that you would send me a message as a signal of your existence. I would even sometimes believe that you were dead because even my friends couldn't keep me updated about you. Now that I see you are fine, I'm going to use this opportunity wisely to tell you something..." He closed his eyes and I saw he was digging deep into his heart to get all the courage to tell me something.
"Rose?" He said innocently. "Please... Forgive me... Will you go out with me again, but this time, to stay with me forever?" I felt my heart feel lighter than ever. Those words took a huge weight off me. "Vincent..." But before I answered, I woke up.
I... I didn't get to finish my words... I couldn't tell him that I wanted to continue with him. The heavy weight lied on my chest again, but heavier than before. Was it just not meant to be? Why did that happen? Why today? Since that dream, I have been having regular dreams, but he still remains as a by stander. He studies me as he always does, but he smiles back at me with a warm smile that reassures me that I will be fine. As of now, I could only imagine me and him sitting on the grass in the park enjoying the soft breeze and gentle cuddles with bits of laughter. I will never forget those moment; good, bad, sad, embarrassing, passionate, and silly. As long as those moments still flow through my mind, I will love him forever and will wait till the end of my days for him.
