A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Sixteen :.

A/N- The video above may or may not be me

Evan's POV

"I've heard tons of rumors today. Just by Connor not being here." Jared tells Alana as I sit down.

"Y-yeah well, I obviously don't want to hear them," I say grumpily. 

"It's kind of hard to not hear a rumor, Evan," Jared says.

"I mean from you." I push my lunch to the side, remembering what Connor and I said a few days ago. 

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself better."

"Oh, uh, yeah, I promise."

With this, I pull my lunch back in front of me, opening it up. There's a sandwich, water, gummies, and a little note on a napkin. 

"Hell-oooo, Hansen?" Jared waves his hand in front of my face. I look up, shocked. I grab my sandwich, taking a bite out of it and chewing it slowly. 

"Wha...?" I ask, covering my mouth when I speak. 

"I said that you're lucky you're being noticed." Jared rolls his eyes. I swallow my food. 

"You get noticed, by your other friends." I reason. 

"Yeah, I mean by people who don't even know you." He facepalms himself. 

"O-oh." 

"Anyway, Alana, there was one rumor that said..." I close my eyes, eating the rest of my food slowly. I don't listen to Jared and Alana's conversation, but instead to the tune in my head. When I'm finished, I open my eyes and eye the note on the napkin. 

Your mom didn't have enough time to pack you a lunch, so I did my best attempt at a lunch so you wouldn't go hungry :)
-Connor.

I smile at the note, folding it up when Jared asked what the note was. 

"None of your business," I answer. 

"Yeah, everything's none of my business. Give me the note." Jared grabs the note out of my hand and I thrash my arm out in an attempt to grab it back. 

"Ooh, a note from your boyfriend." Jared winks at me. 

"H-he's not my boy- Jared!" I try to grab the note back, resulting in it ripping in half.

"Aw, what a shame." Jared pokes his lip out, mimicking pouting. 

"I'm s-sick of all the rumors, J-Jared. Please, just-just stop." I sigh. 

"Please stop hyperventilating." He rolls his eyes. 

"I'm not hyperventilating." I cross my arms, noticing my quickening breathing. 

"You're having considerable trouble breathing." Jared pokes up one of his eyebrows, trying to prove he's right. 

"I'm having no trouble breathing." 

"Do you need a paper bag to breathe in?" Jared chuckles. 

"I am NOT HYPERVENTILATING." I raise my voice slightly, breathing in and out slowly. 

"Okay, okay." The bell rings. We all get up, and I take the ripped note, throwing it in the trash. 

God, why can't this day be any faster? I just want to see Connor leaning against the pillar in front of the school while I walk over him to walk home. 

I walk out of the cafeteria, sighing. Everyone around me makes me feel as if I'm blended in, no one looking at me particularly. I feel a tap on my shoulder. When I turn my head, I see it's Zoe, happy and smiling. 

"O-oh... Confused as to why you're t-talking to me?" The end of the statement sounds like a question. She falls into step with me. 

"How are all the rumors?" Zoe asks, a sarcastic tone evident in her voice. 

"Not so great," I reply. 

"I bet. I mean, some of them are crazy. I heard one-" I cut her off. 

"Not in the mood." I hold up a hand, pushing away the imaginary words in front of me. 

"Sorry." Zoe chuckles. I smile gently. Zoe and I agreed to stay friends despite the possible awkward tension we could sometimes feel. But, overall, our small conversations went smooth.  

"I'll see you." Zoe waves to me as she walks away toward her class. I wave silently, even though she's turned around already. I go to my next class, which is a blur of boring information. Soon, I'm out of the classroom, met by more stares engraving into my skull. 

It's not what I thought it would be. People constantly looking your way, people's words only about you. I don't like it.

Most people would love it. But I don't. 

---------

A guy I don't know comes over to me in the library. 

"So, is Connor Murphy, like, dead or something?" He asks. 

"Uh, uh-um-uh-" I start, getting interrupted. 

"So he is dead?" The guy's eyes widen, as well as mine. 

"N-No...-"

"Hey, guys! Connor Murphy's dead!" He whispers to people I'm assuming are his friends. They practically run over here, asking me questions left and right. 

Suddenly, I yell out, "Connor isn't dead!" I gasp afterward, looking at the boys' expressions, which are shocked. I find my legs take off, sending me out of the library and into the nearest bathroom. I check the stalls, making sure no one is there, and no one is. This is when I let the tears pour out of my eyes. My mind keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. 

I want Connor.
I want Connor.
I want Connor.

I hear my name being called on the intercom. I can't move from this spot on the floor. Suddenly, an adult comes into the bathroom. She's the lady from the office. I scoot away from her in a fast manner. 

"Evan! Evan, Evan... I've got someone on the phone for you, sweetie." She speaks in a gentle voice. I lunge at the phone, grabbing it from her hand aggressively. 

"Connor! I-is that y-you!?" I scream into the phone, still sobbing. 

"It's me, Evan," Connor confirms. My mouth upturns into a smile, more tears coming from my eyes. 

"C-Connor... To-today wasn't a-a good day." I stutter between hitches in my breath. 

"I know, I know," Connor's voice is gentle, "Evan, I need you to take deep breaths. Come on, breathe with me. Inhale, 1, 2, 3... Exhale, 1, 2, 3." I breathe along with him, repeating what he's said, only with my breathing. 

"Okay, Evan. I have to talk to the office lady now. I have to tell her you've got to rest." 

"O-okay... B-but promise me y-you'll come back...?" I ask, wanting to hear his voice again afterward. 

"Of course." He agrees. I gently hand the phone back to the office lady. She looks straight into the distance while she talks, looking at me every once in a while. She responds with "okay" most of the time. She then hands the phone back to me, and I grab it slowly. I get up carefully, walking back to the office with the lady. Connor talks to me, calming me further. Soon, I lie down on one of the nurses "beds". 

"Can you sing me to sleep?" I ask, smiling. 

"Of course." Connor agrees. 

wOAH an uPDATE??? i hope you like it :3 tbh idk why but i kept having this urge to make evan tell connor he loves him but I mean honestly when isn't that on my mind

I'll see you beans another time!
~Alexa <3