my thoughts

#1

Hey guys, just a heads up: this is about my life and my thoughts, which might be boring to you, but I really want to say it out loud (of course, anonymously). Sometimes if we keep a lot of trash or bad emotions or memories or thoughts inside of us, we will feel worse each day so I really want to say it all out, just in case I get any mental sickness of somewhat haha. So this book will be in a very informal format and my language and grammar sometimes can get a bit off and maybe you can't understand what I am saying even haha. Just to let you know, I post this book because I feel like it to do so, so yeah here is it. 

Okay, after a long intro, maybe not that long haha, finally I'm starting on my main purpose of starting this book. So, you might think this looks like a blog and yeah I do think so too if you're wondering. But, well, fish it, Imma write this way, idc tbh. So, back to the point, I want to talk about something that has been bothering in my mind for a while now. 

Rewind back to June, I applied to an admission exercise that allows students to reserve a place for themselves in a college (?) kind of school. It's called a polytechnic, not sure if anyone of you knows about it. I really wanted to go to that kind of school so I applied for it. There are 5 different polytechnics in my country so I applied for one of them. Actually, you can apply for any school you want. You can choose 3 courses, either from different or same schools whichever you prefer. I chose three courses all from the same school: Veterinary Bioscience, Biomedical Science, and Molecular Biotechnology. As you can see I really love science, there's a reason why I chose these three courses. So I happily wrote my 600 characters worth of personal write-up and submitted it, with my achievements from my co-curriculum activities, other competitions and my leadership role in my school. We have to wait for the school to contact the applicants for an interview after a few weeks. 

Back to the present, a lot of my classmates, almost the entire class, who have also applied have gotten their messages from the individual schools that they had applied to. Everyone has gone to interviews or aptitude tests, everyone but me. I've been waiting, waiting, and waiting for almost two weeks now. Luckily, the ending date for the offering stage, which is also the interview period is 22nd of August. But now, it's already 18 July, from where am right now, yet I haven't gotten any messages. Honestly, I don't know where did I do wrong or miss out on anything. I feel so sad and jealous of my classmates when I see them leaving for their interviews. Some came back with smiles and some with worry, but I don't care, honestly speaking. 

You might think I'm cold hearted or cruel to my classmates, but seriously, I haven't even got my messages from the school I've chosen and I'm desperate, very very desperate. I prayed all day all night, to whoever is up there that can listen to me, I even made promises to become a vegan or do something else if I really do end up being accepted into the course I wanted, but I guess miracle isn't happening on me. btw, I want to get into veterinarian science so I guess being vegan is also helping animals so I promised I will become vegan if I get that course, just to make it clear. 

So I'm really sad and worried at the same time, I really want to give up on waiting but I feel like there's still hope, because the deadline is still one month away. But I don't feel like I stand a chance too; like I can't help but think nonsense if things aren't going the way that I thought they will. I'm really devastated and hopeless, all I can do now is to pray hard and hope for the best. I'll try hard to keep a positive mindset, hope for a miracle to happen as long as it isn't 22 of August. 

I really do hope that I get into that course. I can't give up on that. Not that.