My Body

#1

I try to be comfortable in my own skin. I really do. But when I look in the mirror

I'm not happy with what I see. Other people say I look beautiful, that I don't need to wear make up nor lose weight. They say I'm young that I shouldn't worry. That I'm still not done growing. But I when stare at myself in mirror I gag. I hate it with everything in me. I've changed my hair color, make up style, fashion, diet, etc. But yet I'm not happy. I still see my tummy when I stand sideways, my big arms when not wearing long sleeve, my chubby cheeks when I smile, my double chin when I laugh, and my big thighs when I sit down. I wish I could see myself and think 'wow I look good.' I just wish that i could love myself. You see, I've been having a internal conflict with myself. Between being happy with myself vs. Pointing out every flaw I see on myself. It's hard for me because I know I shouldn't be doing this to myself. It's not healthy but then I come to think of it as motivation. Motivation to start working out, taking care of my face, and actually start eating somewhat healthy. Maybe just maybe.... this is what I need to reach my goals and finally achieve happiness in my heart.