The rain fell onto my notebook and smeared ink onto my next paragraph before I noticed the dark cloud hovering above my balcony. I had been so deep in my writing that the droplets collecting on my shoulder hadn't bothered me. I blinked a few times to bring myself back to reality before quickly gathering my things and rushing inside my apartment. As I pushed my sliding glass door closed, thunder boomed in my ears and shook the building. I began counting the seconds in my head. 1... 2... 3... 4... Then lightning flashed across the sky. As a young girl, my mother and I would count the time between thunder and lightning, which was supposed to indicate how many miles away it was. While this didn't seem true as I grew older, I still liked to believe that the lightning was 4 miles away from me. At least I didn't have to worry about being struck.
I turned away from the dark storm outside and placed my notebook on the kitchen table, opening it to the page I was on. I smoothed out the paper and left it out to dry. My phone illuminated next to my pen and a ring echoed throughout my empty apartment. A text from my boyfriend, Tyler. I typed in my password, our anniversary, and opened his message. It was only a quick text to let me know he was stuck in the usual 5 o'clock traffic. I replied with a simple 'be safe' and a kissy face to top it off. There was nothing that made me more nervous than Tyler driving in the rain. Most of the time he refused to use his wipers because he insisted that he could see better with the rain drops. I think he just wanted to be aggravate me. On top of that, he was prone to accidents. Three accidents in the last 2 years. None were his fault, but they all happened while it was pouring rain outside. To get my mind off it, I clicked onto Instagram and scrolled through the feed. Pictures of beautiful landscapes and perfectly posed models appeared on my screen. I followed hundreds of famous photographers and models, always trying to find inspiration. There was nothing I wanted to do more than become a professional photographer and work with celebrities and do photoshoots around a big city. But here I was, working as a real estate agent. It was fun when I was coming out of college at 24, but now I couldn't be more unhappy with my job. My mother was a real estate agent, her sister was a real estate agent, and my two cousins are also real estate agents. It seemed like it was my destiny. I fantasied as a little kid about having the same job as my mom, but I didn't realize how tormenting the reality of it was. I'm pretty sure I thought I would be showing off big and fancy houses that I could marvel at with my clients. Unfortunately I was wrong. Prancing around town trying to find the 'perfect' house for young women who refuse to buy homes because they are "so last season" is not what I signed up for. I just wish I would have realized that before college.
Tyler hadn't shown up yet, so I figured I would jump into the shower and try to distress. The warm water splashed on my back as I squeezed the last bit of shampoo out of the bottle. I made a note to buy more next time I made a trip to the store, but I knew I'd have to borrow Tyler's man shampoo for the next few weeks because I would forget.
After a somewhat relaxing shower, I wrapped myself in a soft robe and laid on my unmade bed. My body began to sink into the mattress and my eyes struggled to stay open. I fought the urge to drift into sleep and checked my phone. The time read 7:48. Tyler should've been home an hour ago. He got off at five just like everyone else. Just as I began to worry, the doorknob started to make noise. I jumped out of bed and rushed towards the door. He opened the door and leaned over for a kiss. Our lips met as I wrapped my arms around his waist. He didn't return the hug, but I knew he was tired. "Was traffic really that bad?" I asked after releasing him from my embrace.
"Yeah, sure," he replied.
I immediately noticed the unusual tone in his voice and reached out to touch him. "What's wrong babe?" He shook his head and brushed my hand off his shoulder.
"Just tired."
"Oh. Okay. Well there's some pizza leftover in the fridge from my lunch today," I started to say as I wandered over to the kitchen. "I can heat it up real quick for us while you lay down and relax with a... drink..." My voice trailed off once I turned around and saw that he had already slid off his shoes and closed the bedroom door. "Guess we're not eating tonight then," I mumbled under my breath. This is the third time this week he's come home this late, and the 10th time in the last month. All I want is to spend a night having an actual conversation with him over dinner.
I turned the lights off in our kitchen and living room and made my way back to the bedroom. I put my pajamas on and slipped under the covers next to Tyler. "You know if you're not too tired, I really wanted to talk about that promotion offer you got. We've lived in this little apartment in Joliet for two years, and I'd really love to move to New York with you. Maybe finally experience the big city. We could even start thinking about our future, making a family of our own. I know it would be a great opportunity." I waited to hear his response, hoping he would at least consider the idea.
"We can talk about it tomorrow. And you know I hate big cities." He rolled over with his back towards me and began to snore. Does he even care about what I have to say? I didn't try to argue about it because I knew it would be useless. I just buried myself under the covers and let myself dream about what it would be like to finally get out of this town and experience the world.
