There are so many thoughts flying around inside my mind, words like keys that open doors to uncharted places. But as time slides through the cracks of each door, the keys become tough and rusty. Once the key is slid into the aged lock, it becomes too late, and the door remains stuck shut, trapping me in this middle place. Trapping me in my mind.
Sitting on a stone bench as the sun sets in the sky. The cold seeping through my cheap, thin jeans and freezing my legs. The wind blowing my hair into my face, momentarily blinding me and only allowing brief flashes of sky and grey. My eyes water, dragging the black mascara down my cheeks like black blood dripping from sky blue eyes.
As I sat there, looking up above, I begin to notice how the clouds are moving. Some very fast, and some not at all. At that moment, the weight of the grey, rain-filled clouds seemed to rest on my shoulders. Every key in that tangled room came to a halt. Allowing a single word to open a door, filling my mouth with the bittersweet taste of the word, lime lemonade. Why? I spat it out, disappointed and gagged as the 'y' caught its tail on my lip.
I dream of happy things; chocolate bars. green nail polish, and pink lemonade in the summer. But the longer I allow my mind to wander, the sooner I'm able to see the darkness beneath the smiling faces. No, not darkness, questions. Questions and fear. Fear of the future, fear of the past, or at least fear of time itself.
Time changes everything. We all know, but we don't accept. Eyes bright like the moon, filled with imagination. Over time these eyes have become dull from realization without understanding.
What have I always needed to say? I don't understand and I don't know how to state my non-understanding.
