Just Personal Notes...

Personal Note No.1

Abuse was something I never thought I was a victim of. I always just thought  it was normal. I was told it was normal. Turns out it isn't, it never was. The screaming, the insults, the "light" beating (for me to learn something, of course)... yeah that was never normal. But truth be told I too wasn't normal, they made a point in telling me that. Made sure I knew it and didn't forgot it. I didn't, don't worry mom, I never will!

And the thing is, you rebel against the stuff that is happening. 'Cause first you get really sad, but once you grow up and start to feel really humiliated as a person, as a human being... then, then it comes the anger!!! You want to scream, to punch, to do something, but most of all you just want to get the hell away from all that is happening to you. You try , until you realize you just can't!

The police doesn't interfere to help you, your psicologist says that you have to hold on just a little bit more, but although you really like her you know that her promises and advises are as vain as anybody elses. Even though sometimes you forget you aren't a friend to her, not are you family... you are just a patient. And sometimes when those words come out her mouth they sting, but you don't want to aknowlege it, you can't. To be forced to your reality time and time again, it's just to painful. You have to push that though down, the same way you did with the others and with your feelings. 

Every morning becomes the same as the one before, you don't want to leave your bed, you don't want or feel like you have the strengh to face yet another day. But you have to, they force you, you start to feel really hopeless, like you have no future ahead of you, and you know you failed (once again, according to them, and you know they are right).

No dream college, no independency, no peace, no nothing... at the age of 17 you see no purpose in life. That sucks, you are breathing though, you just wish you weren't. And things feel heavy and broken, but most of all they feel lonely and you never understood when people would say they needed a hug. Until you were the one needing it, then you finally understood. When we feel so lost, for so long, we start to crave the feeling of having someone there, of being there for someone too, I guess. 

You sleep most of the night, you try, but you also sleep most of the day... because it's not like you have something better to do. You wish you could talk to someone about it, to cry for help, yet again, but this time actually receiving it.

You wish the friends you make up in your head were real, you wish the adventures you imagine became a reality, you wish you weren't stuck... but, again, they are just wishes. And you learned a long time ago that yours don't come true! 

I don't know why I keep on making them up! 

                                                                                                                                                                                               -T.

Without thinking much more on the topic I just wrote about I turned off my phone. As the screen went black I hope sleep finally comes to me.

(A/N: Sooo I hope you liked this chapter! Feel free to comment and also if you need help with anything feel free to talk to me too. Im happy to help always. Hope you stay safe S2 S2 S2 PS english is not my first language so if I have mistakes feel free to correct me too xD, also Im writting this out of thee blue after being awake for now more then 48 hours, yeeh it's insane I just have a lot of ideas I suppose xD)