Crushing Him (FioLee and FinnCeline) - Written by Calliope

Crushing Him (FioLee and FinnCeline) - Chapter 1

"...Fionna and the Cool Guy Ice King sat on Cake's back. Cake, with her mouth facing the ground, started spewing fire from her mouth, like a rocket. As she did this, Fionna cried, 'Here we go!' The trio flew into space, heading to -"

"Ice King, stop, please, this story is terrible." Slime Princess couldn't take the fan-fiction anymore. She simply had to stop it. Covering her ears with her stumpy hands was no longer working, as the other entrapped princesses - Turtle Princess, Wildberry Princess and Toast Princess - had found. So, she dared to interrupt.

"Hm? Wha-?" Ice King looked up from his little green book.

The other princesses murmured in agreement to both Slime Princess' statement and her bravery. Toast Princess' deep voice could be heard saying, "...I don't even understand it..."

Then Wildberry Princess chattered in her high-pitched warble, "Maybe this story is a new form of torture!"

The Ice King rolled his slushy grey eyes. "Oh, come on! It's a first draft! Don't hate!"

The princesses were clearly thinking many hating thoughts, but Ice King probably couldn't see them due to what he described as 'stank old wizard eyes'. This probably meant that while he could see magical realms and things that ordinary people couldn't see, he was distracted by these things and tended not to notice things that were otherwise obvious. This was probably one of those occasions as he continued without pause. "And besides, that story had everything. Action, adventure, a hotter, older guy... Wildberry, don't pretend; I know you like the silver foxes."

The self-described 'hotter older guy' - or, alternatively, 'silver fox' - smirked at the disgusted and horrified cluster of berries. He wiggled his eyebrows in a way that was assumedly supposed to be seductive but was really disturbing. Wildberry's expression grew more terrified as the eyebrow wiggling of the icy wizard continued.

Slime Princess watched this exchange with slight amusement, but then remembered she and her fellow princesses were in cages, being cooped up by an absolute stalkerish wizard who could do cheap charlatan tricks with ice and snow. "What if it were a... little more like real life?" she interrupted, dragging Ice King's creepy gaze away from a now grateful Wildberry Princess, but it landed on herself.

"Real?" he spluttered. "It's based on the real Fionna and Cake!"

This was an obvious lie, as the real Fionna and Cake simply did not exist, but Slime Princess decided to humour her captor. "Yeah... but what if there was a little more romance in the story?"

The princesses all murmured in agreement. "I think that sounds good..." "Romance is a great idea!"

Ice King refused to listen to their suggestions, standing on the armrests of his chair and covering his ears. "Y'all are just hatin' on my steeze! I'm not listening to haters. Haters!"

The Ice King remained in that position for a while, as an icy yet gentle breeze ruffled the bottom of his tunic.

All of a sudden, the breeze made the front of the skirt of his tunic fly into his face, giving the princesses a view of the Ice King's so-called winter body, which was just his ribs poking from unhealthy pale blue skin and dirty white bandages covering his privates - this last part made them all thankful.

The Ice King started floating above his chair. The absence of his flapping beard confused the princesses - how was he flying without it? And the entire situation had the Ice King entirely befuddled - what was happening? But none of the parties had long to think before another wild thing occurred. The Ice King was still mysteriously floating, and the mysterious force keeping him in midair moved him off his chair altogether and he was suddenly hovering over the floor. The force spun him upside down, then right-side up. Then he was dropped on the ground, flat on his face. His long, pointy, witch-like nose bent up, and, simultaneously, all of the cage doors of the princesses slid open with four separate clangs. The princesses were, one by one, lifted by unseen hands and placed on the solid water floor of the ice palace built inside a mountain.