Confidence from the clothes on her back

Chapter 1 - Introduction

When I meet a person for the first time, I instantly look straight at the clothes they are wearing. I wonder to myself what made them pick that item of clothing or I try to figure out what their clothing says about their personality. Does the bold print show they are confident and outgoing? Do basic pieces show they are laid back and simple? I love piecing together each item and create that whole persons story before I've even said a single word to them. I remember doing this from a young age, I was extremely shy and that was my way of figuring out a person without having to stress myself into a one to one conversation with them. It also influence the clothes I dressed myself in as a teen. I knew I was shy but I didn't want it to be obvious to others. I never had a specific style, I would pull out a piece of clothing and wondered what it would say about me and I would pair it with different items to see if added or took away from the way I wanted to be perceived on that particular day. Clothing was the one thing that always gave me confidence. I wasn't always shy though... my mother died when I was 12 right at the age of when a child needs their mother the most.

At the height of puberty when I barely understood myself, I never had that love and support to help me cope. My relationship with my father frazzled after her death. We both loved each other but he felt more like a roommate than a parent raising me. We ate dinner together most nights but it was easier to sit in silence that have to bare with awkward small talk. He never really asked me about my day but again, I never asked him. He never questioned me if I told him I was going out, he would just tell me there was some money on the side counter by the door and to be safe. That was pretty much how we were with each other for about 4 years. Sometimes we're better than others but he always had a melancholy and dull persona about him. When I was 16 on the verge of a break down, something great happened for the both of us and that thing was a women called Lillian.

It was a normal Sunday night, I was loading the dishwasher from that evenings meal which was a huge plate silence with a cup of annoyance on the side. Dad was bashing about on the stairs so I stumbled over to see what was going on. He was holding a suitcase and trying to balance a pair of shoes on top. He had clearly gotten stuck at the bend so I went up to give him a hand. He noticed the slight expression of confusion on my face and clarified that he was going on a business trip for the week. I nodded. We eventually hauled the suitcase to the bottom of the stairs and I went up to bed for the night. I woke up the next morning for school to find an envelope on the banister. Inside was a list of phone numbers for emergencies, a few jobs that had to be done like putting out the recycling to be collected on Thursday morning and a small wedge of cash. I counted it out and he had left £50. I guessed that this would be for things like food because he wouldn't have remembered to go to the shop and get dinners in.

The week flew past pretty quickly. I didn't do anything special apart from have my friends round a little more often than usual. I also had the tv for once as my dad would always watch it when he got home from work so I stayed up in my room. It was starting to get dark on the Friday when I heard a car pull up on our driveway. I recognised it instantly because of the horrific sound that came from the hand break. I went down to open the door and dad was at the boot of the car unloading his things. He looked up and smile. This wasn't the small, forced grin that he occasionally does. I hadn't seen him smile like this since mum has passed away. It instantly brought memories back in my mind of my childhood that I had forgotten about of us all together as a family. I felt my face lighten up from my constant frown into a genuine smile. He wheeled his suitcase up to the door and launched himself at me squeezing me tightly. "I've missed you Bug! " he beamed. Bug was the nickname I was given when I was born but I haven't heard anyone call me it for years. I was ecstatic. I felt my whole body loosen. "I've missed you too Dad." All of a sudden Dads phone started to ring in his pocket. He rapidly rustled around to get it and it was someone called Lillian calling. I
didn't recognise the name. Dads face lit up even more than it already was. While he was talking, I pulled in his bags never taking my eyes off him. He shut the door behind him and said "I've just got home and Poppy's here. I promise I'll call you back tomorrow. Okay, defiantly, goodnight." This person obviously knew who I was. He put his phone down and looked at me. We just both smirked at each other and started giggling. This is the Dad I've been missing. I knew exactly what was going on.

So it turns out Lillian was a women that Dad had met while he was away. He told me all about her gradually. Apparently she has the most luscious brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. It had been about a month and a half since they had met. After multiple dates and long phone calls I finally met her. We clicked instantly. Lillian was about 7 years younger than dad and I think that's why we get along so well. Within a year she has moved in with us and Dad proposed to her on their 1 year anniversary of meeting. My favourite thing about Lillian is her outlook on life. She is very much about living in the moment so she really pushed me into becoming more confident. Me and Dad were closer than ever. I finally felt like part of a family again. Don't get me wrong I still think of mum every single day and I miss her dearly but Lillian was the glue that finally brought me and Dad back together. My passion for fashion was still huge and I would give Lillian fashion tips and make her new outfits on my sewing machine. She adored them. I was finally able to speak with strangers and put myself out there more. I finished university with a degree in fashion. I was now 20 years old and ready for the next chapter of my life...