Endless Fear

Three more days until I turn 20. It's a shame that my teens years are nearly over. To be honest, I'm going to miss those days. Those days when I used to love messing around in university, also when I used to love getting in trouble by my teachers just to get detention for the whole 45minutes lunch break because I don't eat much. Detentions not that bad really, I just sit there sending text messages from my phone, and I play games on my phone or watch TV programmes like Britain's Got Talent. I'm on a diet by the way. I'm planning to stop dieting when I reach size 6-8. At the moment I'm size 8-10 but I wanna be a bit more skinnier to complete my look for my dream job. My dream job is to be a singer and to have professional photos taken of me modelling for fashion magazines. My best mates which are Kate, Harry, Kevin, Steph and Jake tell me that I should take singing seriously and that I suit 'modelling my figure' in front of cameras for trending fashion magazines. And all this encouragement puts a big smile on my face along with a little giggle too.

I'm beginning to take their advice. I'm actually gonna take singing more seriously now. I thought of how to take it 'seriously' in the morning while I was in the shower. After having a quick shower, I quickly got dressed, straightened my long hair that is up to my waist and done my makeup. I rushed out of the house and went to Jake's house who lives alone just two roads away from me. Jake's lucky that he's allowed to live by himself, but he only lives by himself because his mother disowned him when it was his 17th birthday. It's a silly reason why she disowned him. It was because he didn't like any of her boyfriends and she didn't like the way he was acting towards them. Jake's mother was never married and had loads of boyfriends, maybe about 21-25 altogether, but not exactly sure because there's just so many to count and keep record. None of them lasted long. She's about 35 years old. Most of the guys became her boyfriend mainly because they needed money to survive and when they had enough money they took advantage of her and dumped her. And some of the guys were homeless and faked that they weren't just to get a place to stay. She can never get enough of boyfriends. She even told me once that "boyfriends make your life better and bring you happiness"; I then laughed at that because it isn't true for her. Why doesn't she just get married and live happily ever after? Because at least then she'll have a life with nothing to worry about and Jake would be a lot more happier. Jake never knew his father and doesn't like talking about it. Jake's mother got pregnant with Jake when she was about 15 years old, that's pretty young. Jake didn't mind getting kicked out of his mother's place. Apparently she used to abuse him due to stress of her 'lover boys' leaving her. I felt sorry for him but now I'm happy for him because at least he's safe in his own home and he can now do whatever he wants when he wants. Another good this is that he doesn't need to worry about his brothers or sisters because he doesn't have any. Whereas I have a little brother who is the age of 5. His name is Jack and is really cheeky. And just like me, Jack has hazel brown hair, brown eyes and long natural lashes. It's funny how my little brother has long lashes; it actually makes him look kind of cute.

My mother and father are one of the strictest parents ever. They're very rude to strangers and that's why I never used to go outside with them to shopping or school because they're too embarrassing. When I was in high school, I remember that my parents came to collect me from school sometimes, everyone would walk away from them because they were scared that they're going to say something offensive. My parents have a bad habit of offending people for fun and it does hurt people. I don't ever want to be like them. People like my parents are always disliked a lot.

My parents think its a bad idea of me becoming a singer and a model but I don't know why they bother to interfere. After all, its MY life. They want me to become NOTHING, because they think life is too short to become anything. And my parents don't even encourage me so I don't need them. I wanna move out but they're gonna force me to stay because they don't want the whole world to know that I left them. If only I had a choice to though.