Survival Skills: for Dating || ✓

Survival Skill 23: Thou must impress Dad (Part 2)

Can I just say that a lot of you guys are really smart for figuring out what I was planning to do? XD

So, the dedication goes to skittles1103. Seriously, she's the first comment and she already found out. XD

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Survival Skill 23: Thou must impress Dad (Part 2)

Dad then started coughing like an asthma patient that was about to die. It looked like he was choking on a cat as he slammed his fist against the table. I was still flustered with what just happened with me and Rex Parker to react but, thankfully, Patty handed him a glass of water which Dad chugged down in one continuous gulp. After calming down, Dad was breathing heavily when he turned to me in panic. “Please don’t tell me.” his voice was desperate and a bit shrill for a grown man.

“Huh?” was my dumb response.

Patty sighed and rubbed her temples. “I think what your father was trying to say is,” Patty paused and cleared her throat, “do we need to have the talks about birds and bees?”

Well, it didn’t take a genius to understand what they meant by that.

 “NO!” I answered, standing up. By this point, Dad’s breathing was getting a little calmer but he was still looking at me in panic so I tried to tone down. “I mean, no, Daddy.” I repeated calmly. Rex discreetly brushed his arm against mine and I glanced at him and saw that he was utterly confused with what was happening. Licking my lips, I gave him a look that hopefully said shut up! My dad thinks I had sex with you so don’t you dare say a freakin’ word.

Dad cleared his throat, making me turn to him immediately. He looked calmer and he straightened his posture as he raised a brow. “Are you sure?”

Let me make things clear. I, for one, know how to talk the talk – well, most of the time. And I’m great at explaining things (if only people wouldn’t cut me off). It was one of my best talents.

I only wished it worked right now.

“No, Dad. I – we – He just meant – I don’t – He – I – Ugh!” were the words I said as an answer. Dad looked at me skeptically and I saw his chest heaved in and out heavily as he waited for my explanation. Unable to think of anything else, I blurted out, “I’m still a virgin, Dad.” Quickly glancing at Rex to see if he got it, I saw that he did, judging from the O that formed from his lips.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world’s worst explanation about not having sex to any father.

Rex stood up in one swift motion, sending an ear-cringing screech due to how his chair scraped the floor. “No, sir. No. I didn’t mean it like that.“

I forced out a smile as I backed Rex up. “Yeah, it was for other things – “

“No, not sexual things, sir – other non-sexual things – “

“Uh hu! Daddy that’s it. Nothing sexual at all like – “

“Knitting! – “

“And reading! – “

“Yeah, we read rule thingies to each other one time – “

“But we didn’t do the knitting part – “

“Yeah, Sorry, sir. It was the first thing that came in mind – “

“But we did read with each other – “