THIS IS MY LAST OPEN LETTER FOR YOU
@imcristina_18 (IG)
Luna Cristy Domasig (FB)
CristyLunaDomasig (Wattpad)
THIS IS MY LAST OPEN LETTER FOR YOU
It stings. It silently pricks. It kills me everyday, because it hurts. It really does. Seeing you happy and fine without me... it's torturing me so much. I know it's my fault. It was really my fault and I can't blame anyone for that. But can I, at least, let you know how much my heart was aching, breaking and torn piece by piece?
I badly wanted to run to you to tell you everything - to tell you I'm sorry, to tell you how much I miss you, to tell you I want you back. But I can't. I don't want to look pathetic and childish in front of you. I've been trying to act strong in front of you, for you to know that I can live without you. But to tell you honestly, I'm not ok. It feels like I'm dying inside. I've been holding back these tears and smile every time I saw you and your new girl happy together. But at the end of each day, only my pillow knows how I really feel. I've been crying myself to sleep because up until now, I still regretted the day I turned you down, the day I ended the story of us. Seeing you happy now makes me happy, but I want to be part of that happiness too. You once told me how much you wanted me to be part of everything that you do, which is now clearly not happening because of my decision, because I am not brave enough to fight my love for you.
Do you want to know a little secret? I forced myself to stop caring, looking and thinking about you, but I can't. I always end up seeing myself looking at you on the other side of the campus, asking your friends if you're doing fine and thinking of you once in a while. I want you to be happy and to have everything you ever dreamed of in your life. I want you to be happy, even if I'm not the reason of that happiness.
Maybe I should stop bugging you and start to accept the fact that I'm not part of your life anymore. Maybe I should stop giving other meanings to your friendly gestures. Maybe it'll be hard for me. No! Of course, it'll be hard. Knowing that the last text message you sent me made me feel that I was still your one and only.
Yet I know I'm not anymore. Your friends, my friends, and even I, myself, can see that I am not your only one anymore. You now have her. You really care for her and will do everything to make her happy, just like what you used to do for me. Those good old days that made me happy now brings pain and sadness in me. But hey! No hard feelings. Although it hurts, I can't blame neither you nor her. This was my fault alone and I have to bear with these painful consequences of my decision.
It's really hard to heal deep wounds, mend a broken heart and rebuild a damage spirit. But I am putting myself back on track together. The pain I'm feeling right now might me unbearable, impairs, latches and feels permanent, but I want you to know and I want you to believe that I'm fine, that someday, I will be perfectly fine.
So I guess, this is going to be my last letter for you. It's ok that you don't care and worry about me and my feelings. Little by little, I'm accepting the fact that I'll never be part of your life anymore.
