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A. OPENING
Prologue
The introduction in this book is definitely not a prologue.
A prologue is like beginning your story twice at two different points. It is an integral part of the story which should contribute to the plot and reveal relevant facts. The information contained should be essential, if you leave it out, the reader's understanding of the plot would suffer.
Take note, the prologue should read like a short story except for its ending - the conflict is unresolved.
Chapter 1
Attention grabber - Yes.
Plot - Concept is clear.
Introduction of characters - Physical appearance are well-defined and personality supplied are just sufficient to whet the reader's appetite.
Dialogue - Light, funny and easy to follow.
Pacing - Fast. Narration of events is described in details, but it jumps from one scene to another.
So, what's wrong with this chapter?
It's the format of the text. It's messy... messy... "messy"... mes-sy... messy: messy... messy- messy... messy (messy).
To attract and hold the attention of your reader, make your text easy to read. There's just too much italicized words.
B. PLOT
A case of double betrayal. Florence's best friend had an affair with her boyfriend. Nikolai, the hunky guy with NGSB, will try to win her over.
- main plot is believable
- subplot - okay except for:
Chapter 2 & 3 - The scene about bookmark. They have the same concept, so it looks like one of them is just a filler.
Chapter 8 & 9 - Circumstances were made convenient to make the subplot possible.
- from the outset, the protagonists' problem is already visible
- pacing - fast, not boring.
Loopholes:
1) When Florence approached Nikolai and asked him the closest store where to buy jeans, it's not logical because they are already inside a mall. It was like asking where to buy a cup of cappuccino inside a coffee shop.
2) Chapter 5 - Ba't galing siya sa opisina. Di ba day-off ni Nikolai?
Oops! Ang larawang ito ay hindi sumusunod sa aming mga alituntunin sa nilalaman. Upang magpatuloy sa pag-publish, subukan itong alisin o mag-upload ng bago.
