alllll the fics

Coffee Shop Soundtrack

Description: The year is 2021, and Phil is married happily, having retired from YouTube in 2019. But when he runs into old flatmate and ex-best friend Dan Howell out on the street, feelings Phil thought were long gone return, and he learns that Dan is determined to win him back. (Based loosely on the song "Coffee Shop Soundtrack" by All Time Low)

Warnings: None (I always say that and then they wind up being sad)

"I’m going out," Phil called, poking his head through the doorway and glancing at his wife. She looked up smiling, and Phil’s heart soared. She was definitely glowing, and she wasn’t even pregnant yet. They were trying, but.. Things hadn’t happened yet. She blew him a kiss. "Love you, Lion," she said before turning back to the television. He smiled back. "Love you too." He turned and left, laughing to himself. He really hated the nickname she’d given him, Lion, but he’d deal with it. She was worth it. He walked down the street and sighed. He still flinched a bit when groups of teen girls walked his way, because that’s what he had gotten used to. It was scary and he was glad they didn’t mob him anymore, but it was always a little disappointing when they passed and he remembered. The days of "phangirls" and YouTube were over for him now. He had quit making videos, and pretty much had written himself out of the history books in the process. Phil had become just a nobody with emo hair. He was just Lion. He was almost to the store when he passed a familiar looking Starbucks and smiled. Back in the old days, him and his friend had gone there. Phil hadn’t been there for years. He decided it wouldn’t hurt to go in and get a cup of coffee.

He opened the door smiling, and wondered if their couch was still there. He stood in line and took in the whole scene. It looked just like it had three years ago on his last visit here. He ordered and went to find that couch. And it was there, like he had expected. But what he hadn’t expected was to find Dan Howell sitting in the middle of a coffee shop like it was nothing.

His breath caught in his throat and he was struggling just to stand. He should’ve turned and left. Seeing Dan was really weird for him. They hadn’t spoken since Phil got married. Dan had seemed a little jealous, to say the least. And now he was sitting obliviously 5 feet from Phil, and Phil was terrified of what Dan might do. He just stood in shocked silence, too scared to say hello, too scared to walk away. So he waited for something, anything to happen. Nothing did, until from the front came a call of “Phil Lester!”. So apparently his coffee was served. Dan’s head shot up and he looked back in the direction of the noise. His eyes locked with Phil’s. He opened his mouth to say something, but Phil had already turned and went to get his drink. “Phil?” Phil cringed hearing Dan say his name. “Not now, not now, not now,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut. He took his drink and turned to leave, but when his eyes came open, Dan was standing before him.

"Phil, is that you?" Phil nodded. "Dan?" He knew it was Dan, but anyone else might not have. He looked run-down. His hair looked messy and unkempt, his eyes were dull and weak. Dan nodded too. "Wow, this is weird. I haven’t seen you in two years," Phil said awkwardly. Dan smiled a little, but it was fake and obviously forced. "Yeah. So, um, you still with Vanessa?" Phil heard the sadness in his voice. "Yeah. We’re trying for kids." He automatically regretted saying that. Dan was already pained by the fact that they were together. Why did he have to go and say that? Dan shrunk back a little. “Oh. Cool.” His voice broke a little, and it was obvious that he thought it wasn’t cool at all. Phil sighed. “Dan, you know..”

"Don’t get like this, Phil, it’s cool. We were over a long time ago. 2015 is long forgotten now, okay? No grudges. I’m happy for you." Phil raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?" Dan nodded and smiled. "Of course. Now you should get home, go spend time with her. You’ll miss the quietness once you’ve got a kid, eh?" Phil nodded. "Yeah." Dan opened his arms for a hug, which was odd, but Phil didn’t fight back. They hugged and Phil left.  Later, on the walk home, when he put his free hand in his pocket, Phil found a slip of paper. There was a string of numbers written on it, followed by a few words. "Don’t hesitate to call me, Lion.” Phil felt his stomach drop to his knees. Maybe that explained why he hated the nickname so much.

Phil woke up sweating. He didn’t want to admit it, and he probably wouldn’t if anyone asked, but the encounter with Dan had done something to his brain. He was sleeping next to his wife, his wife whom he loved and had been married to for two years. But he had just woken up from a dream about Dan. A dream about Dan and him hugging and kissing during music videos on the radio show, about them falling asleep watching TV, about them just loving each other. And why? All because Dan had seen him in a coffee shop. He sat up in bed and leaned over to his side table, taking out his phone. It was wrong but.. He punched in the numbers and listened to it ring. After two rings, he picked up. “Hello?” He sounded tired and grumpy, and Phil almost giggled.

"Hi." There was silence on Dan’s end for a moment as it registered in his mind. "Holy fuck, Phil? Why are you calling me at 3 am?” Phil sighed. “I don’t know. I just..” Dan seemed to understand, and Phil had’t even explained. “Get on Skype. It’d be easier if I could see you.” Phil almost protested, but Dan hung up. It was almost cute how eager Dan was to see him. So he cautiously slid out of bed and to the living room where he could use his laptop without disturbing the girl sleeping next to him. Phil actually had to remind himself that that girl was his wife, and he shouldn’t be so giddy to get up and talk to Dan. He was married, for Christ’s sake.

When he got on, Dan was already online. He called and when Dan picked up, they just sat in silence staring at each other. It felt like they were young again, and that they were in love. And judging by the look of pure happiness across Dan’s face as he looked at him, Phil figured only one thing about that had changed. Dan was the first one to speak. “Hey.” That was all he said. Phil smiled. “Hey.” They stared for a while again, and then Dan just laughed. “This is like it used to be, huh? The late night Skype calls?” Phil nodded. Dan’s smile faded quickly. “Phil, you know I still have feelings about.. This, right?” Phil sucked in his breath. He knew, but he didn’t expect Dan to just say that so openly. “Uh, yeah. I know.” Dan sighed and brushed his hair back away from his eyes. “Then why are you calling me like this? You must know you’re just frustrating me further.. It kinda hurts to know you’re over me, you know? I miss you a lot, Phil.” Phil nodded. “I know. But Dan.. What you might not know..” He looked down. Sure, talking on Skype was a lot easier than in person, but this was something Phil wasn’t ready to admit to himself. “I might not know what, Phil?” He shook his head. “Meet me at our couch later. 2 pm. Don’t be late. I need to get back to bed.” Dan nodded, but his eyebrow was raised. “Well, okay.” Phil smiled quickly. “Bye.”

"Goodnight, Lion." Phil was a little shocked to hear Dan call him Lion, but he liked it. His voice shook as he answered.

"Goodnight, Bear."

Later that day, Phil left his house again, and he went to the couch. Dan was already there, though it was an hour early. He stood up and pushed a cup into Phil’s hand. “I remembered what you like getting here,” he said casually. Phil smiled and took it. “Thanks.” They sat down together, a little closer than they meant to, but neither complained. “Now,” Dan said, putting his arm up on the back of the couch, “Tell me what you were going to say last night.” Phil nearly choked on his coffee. “Um.. It’s.. Well..” Dan leaned in. “Just tell me. You can still tell me anything, Lion.” Phil sucked in his breath. “Well.. It’s.. This.” He grabbed Dan’s chin and kissed him fiercely, a messy clash of teeth and tongue suddenly occurring between the two. Phil pulled away soon, realizing what he was doing. “I.. Sorry, I just needed to-” He was interrupted when Dan did it again. This time lasted longer; A lot longer. Ad when they did pull apart, Phil was actually smiling. “Maybe we should tell your wife,” Dan muttered, and he was smiling, too. Phil nodded. “Maybe.” Dan moved closer even. “Or maybe that can wait?” Phil nodded again. “Maybe.”

"Just don’t tell, Phil. This doesn’t have to mean anything, I swear." Phil shook his head that time. "No. It already means too much." He ran his fingers through Dan’s hair. "I’ve missed you, Bear." Dan smiled, taking out his phone and handing it to Phil. "Then you’d better tell her the news." Phil shrugged and took the phone from his hand. Dan kissed his cheek. "I’ve missed you, too."

Make all of my decisions for me

I’ve never taken the fall for deceit

We’ll keep a secret if you keep me guessing

The taste of your lips says we shouldn’t have met like this

Added A/N: what the actual fuck is this ending how do you JUST LEAVE YOUR WIFE WHHAT THE HELL PHIL