True Self

 True Self: True Prologue

“What would you do if someone you truly care died beside you, would you wish for your life to end? Or would you blame the world for just one reason?”

      That day a siren was heard from the outcast of the city, red lights were blinking fast, time stops, snow falls and songs were heard more clearly, as I call upon her name, Yuki. Like the snow that falls on the cold ground my tears build up and eventually landed on her face, holding her tightly with my hands covered with blood, it was warm; the blood of my beloved was warm like the sun.

      I could tell my sanity was going off its course, I can’t think straight anymore, too many flash backs were going through my head, and different questions were randomly jumping in my mind, and I remember… Our first meeting, it was on my third year in middle school when I knew about her, she was a smart girl, diligent on everything she do and well behave in class but most of all she’s simple and yet beautiful. Time flies so fast that I didn’t know, I’m already attached to her, my everyday life were filled with smile and laughter, that time I wished for everything would stay forever ‘cause I didn’t care on small things I did or didn’t even thought that things would end, I was just a kid back then holding onto the happiness, like a bird in a cage.

It’s almost a year when I met her, today was December 24 and guess what? She’s my Christmas date, this wonderful day become more exciting because of her.

The snow falls down from the sky, it was truly a wonderful night, you could hear the happy songs in the entire city, even the atmosphere is really romantic and there I walk all over the place watching over the time.

“Wow! It’s snowing, a white Christmas, what a lucky night” I walked to our meeting place with excitement.

I’m too excited that I’ve arrived thirty minutes earlier than the meeting time.

“The time for our meeting is ten o’clock pm sharp… it’s almost time… it’s already nine forty five pm.” I stood beside the city clock as I watch its hands move slowly but surely.

I’m getting nervous, what should I tell her when I see her? This will be my first date with the one I love.

I was happy that day; I thought of myself as the happiest man in the world, nothing can measure the joy that I felt. Then she came with a smile, blending with the beautiful snow in the sky, like an angel in disguise.

“Sorry… I’m late, did you waited long… for me?” she asked smiling at me.

 “Nope, I just got here, anyway ahmm… you look really… p-pretty today” I complimented her with a gaze of nervousness I just don’t know what to say.

“Ahh… t-thank you”

We walk along with the couples in the city doing things that interest our eyes, after the stroll in the streets we went up in a high place, it was a small mountain beside the city, we settle in the side walk as the two of us were enjoying the view, watching from above we can see the glimmering city lights, a happy scenery in our eyes… then in a blink of an eye, I found myself lying on the cold ground, there was blood everywhere, I was in a daze for a moment and I remember Yuki, I look for her while I’m on the ground and found her lying not so far, I tried to stand but my body was heavy like steal, so I crawl instead, hoping for her to be okay I’m crying myself to death, in every inch I take my heart beat so fast until I reach her and holds her in my arms, her blood on the ground was crystallize and she was covered with vermillion stains, but I can feel her pulse and I know she’s still alive somehow. I was shouting for help, my eyes were getting blur I can’t see much but I continue to call for help and finally my consciousness fades away. I woke up inside a car with my body on a stretcher, it must be the ambulance, and I also found Yuki beside me.

Yuki is that you…? Huh!? Why, there’s no voice coming out from my mouth?

“…Y…uk…i” I can’t, I have no voice.

I tried to grab her hand for the last time and I was able too, but I wish I hadn’t done it, ‘cause I can’t feel a single beat of her pulse and I realize that her face was covered with a cloth and her skin was like of a snow, white and cold, my tears drop for the last time as I call upon her name for just one more time.

“Yu…ki!!” Why…? Did this happen, were just having a fun night, why? Can’t we just finish the Christmas with a smile? Being together…

On that day the snow that falls from the sky aren’t white, they’re red like blood… The bell had rung and Christmas entered it was a new day, everyone seems to be happy on that day but for me, it was the day I lost my first love and… half of ‘My’ world…

“You are the one that completes my life, you’re my world, my half self… and every time I reached out to you I become whole, but now that you were gone, I lost not just my half… but, my True Self.”

—Natsuyo Namida