Attached below was a note written by Serah Kane before her disappearance in 2013. Kane was a top student, winning multiple awards in quiz bees and the reigning national champion in spelling for 4 years. Kane was also said to be running for valedictorian and achieved the highest GPA in the history of their school, beating a 47-year old record set by her late aunt Sarah Rivers.
--------------------------------
2013, August
The thing is, this might be the last thing you'll ever see from me, my last memory.
For years I have always had difficulty when it comes to making new friends. During my freshman year, if it wasn't for a coincidence, I wouldn't have befirend anyone in our batch. I was thankful I met a bunch of new people, but them senior year came. I felt anxious just thinking of it, me and my friends are going to be separated, and I would be left with people I casually talk with, but we're not friends or what.
First day of senior year, I knew I had to get out of my shell and get rid of that timid image I had. I actually did, but people talked behind my back. I felt bad, because I was trying to get my confidence and self-esteem back yet these people who barely knew me did that, I heard things like how poor I am for trying to do this and that. Days passed and I grew fearful of them, I overthink and overthink for days, what if those laughs were because of them talking about me? Why am I so anxious of them? Things got worse when they try calling me and then I revert to my timid self, who passes of as a nerdy type, and I just felt that this isn't me, but how could I change? I became too scared to join them, however I would find people who would casually make a conversation with me, and think, I have to survive this semester and year, and I'm gonna do it. I did. And after all these, me and my friends went to party. I have never felt more happier in my life.
Months passed and second semester started. I changed myself, tried to fix everything they could try to talk about me, the way I dress, walk, talk, and everything. At nights I would overthink, what of this clique continually talks about how stupid looking I am, how ugly I am and that I am weird. For nights I would cry, wishing that this all would end, I tried working it out, and fortunately I did. What drove me to go away? Here, I'll tell you.
On the last days of the semester, I never really found friends, but there were people that I talk to comfortably, and I'm thankful because they were part of the reason I survived this shitty year. I would always find those cliques intimidating but I tried to hold my ground as much as I could, but one day, just by passing through the hallway and seeing them as a big group, they had that aura in them, I was so scared I had to turn back and go the other way. After a few steps I heard laughter, and my overthinking self just couldn't take it anymore as tears began to flow from my eyes, I ran off to the stairs and went into the highest floor. I never thought of suicide, but that was the reason that I concluded, I cannot take this anymore, I need time to heal myself, away from everyone, even my parents. No one could help me when I obviously needed one. Then I decided to write this letter. I feel bad for leaving my friends and family behind, but this was the only way.
To Ma and Pa, you tried your best, I'm thankful for that. You wanted the best for me but I felt like I haven't grown enough because of your overprotectiveness. I want to know how the world works through myself, I want to learn how to pick myself up despite falling down alot. I wanted to experience the things a normal teenager could have had but you guys insisted. You were worried, yes, but have you ever thought of how we feel? I understand you want to save your image from being judged by others, just like how they say what happened to your children and why did you raise them in such way, but it just felt unfair to me. But soon I promise, when the time comes and I found myself and I have learned what I need to learn, I will go back to you guys, and proudly tell you, you did well.
To my friends, it was never your fault. I never said anything, because I know this is something I have to work out on my own. You would constantly give advice, and I would listen, but I chose not to do it because I know that isn't the right thing. I thank you guys though, it was hard, but yes, you pretty much did what you can and you all did it right. Nothing to be ashamed.
To all the people who did that to me, I'm happy that you guys became happy for my stupidity and took advantage of my overthinking mind. You got a serious laughingstock to remember about me. I'm sad though, because I never got the chance to meet you guys truly, you could have been great best friends.
To the person reading this note, I don't know if you have experienced depression or any mental health problems, but if you need help, reach out, If you needed time for yourself do it, go somewhere where you can think, the house and the school is a stressful place sometimes, but please do something.
I do not wish for you guys to find me, but I want you to be here when I come back.
Because I will.
Kane signing off, see you.
