alllll the fics

I'll Miss You

Description: I was spending my weekend as I usually do (browsing the phan tag oops) and came across a picture and you know me, my mind went to the darkest place it could. (i'm too lazy to put a link ugh just tell me if you wanna see the picture man)

Warnings: Death

We’d all think it was a joke.

We’d all watch the clock tick by and wait until it was 7 before opening up our laptops and watching the radio show. We always do on Sunday. But it’d be different, the studio would seem so empty, and it would just be Dan. It’s not like we hadn’t seen it before. Phil stays with his family sometimes, and Dan does the show alone. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Dan thought he could get away with it.

He couldn’t.

The room just seemed so big and far too empty, and he just felt so small and the lights pointed at him burned for some reason. It probably wasn’t the lights that were hurting him, but thinking that was easier than admitting that there was a real, much more painful reason he was in the studio alone.

Behind the camera, the guy stuck out three fingers and counted down until the music video would end and Dan would be on air. Dan stood up straight and got ready to go live. All three fingers were down, and Dan was expected to start. He didn’t hit the sound effects or anything, he just let it be. All the ones he could play said “Dan and Phil,” and he knew better than to lie to the listeners. Instead, he just talked about the next music video and sent it off to that as quickly as possible. He wasn’t ready for any of this. He slinked off to a chair and sat, face in his hands. When he looked up, everyone was gathered around him looking worried. He forced a shaky smile to his lips. “I don’t think we should’ve done a show this week.” No one else smiled back. They all just nodded appologetically and waited for the song to end. He went back and talked about the weekly topic and played videos and did his job. He did everything but explain why Phil was gone. During videos, he opened twitter and tumblr and watched everyone freak out. It made his stomach churn.

"Watching the radio show.. Why is Phil not here?"

"Dan you’d better tell us where Phil is"

"#bringbackphil"

Dan actually choked back a sob at that one. He resisted the urge to respond with “believe me, if i could i would.” Nothing was going to bring him back though. He went through the last part of the weekly topic, did internet news alone, but had nothing planned for what he’d do during the Dan vs. Phil challenge. So he just kind of cleared his throat and threw his shoulders back. “Um, we can’t really do the challenge this week. So, instead I’ve got a few songs lined up that are… Special to me.” He pushed his hair out of his face. “Here’s Skinny Love by Birdy.” He stepped off screen as soon as he said it and he cried. He cried for the first time since he’d gotten the call and since Phil was gone. But the song was short and he had to pull himself back together to set up the next song. “Uh, wow. Beautiful song.” He forced out a chuckle and sighed. “And now here’s Interrupted By Fireworks from Final Fantasy VII.” He rushed off screen again and now he really cried, because that was their song and he couldn’t take it. Someone, he never found out who, made him stand up and go back on screen after clearing his eyes. He went back, and just stared at the unused pair of headphones and the empty mic next to him. He looked behind him at the wall of art and the sign that said “Dan and Phil,” but it was lying because it was just Dan. He used the laptop in front of him to open tumblr, and people were losing their minds. 

"GUYS WHAT IS HAPPENING"

"I AM CRYING PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME PHIL IS OKAY"

"DAN LOOKS LIKE HE WAS CRYING WHATT HE HELL"

"I’M SCARED"

Dan shook his head. Phil wasn’t okay. Phil was dead, and sure, they were scared of it, but Dan couldn’t be scared. Dan didn’t have to wonder. He just knew that Phil was dead and he wasn’t coming back, there was no way to reassure him that Phil would be back because he had seen Phil and Phil was dead. He picked up the whiteboard and wrote out the last thing he ever bothered to show that stupid camera, the stupid camera that used to be for Dan and Phil, but now it wasn’t even for Dan, now it was just to catch someone who might as well have been dead without Phil. So Dan wrote it out. He wasn’t sure if it was to the fans watching or to Phil or even to himself, because he wasn’t really there anymore. He wrote out all he needed to say to everyone.

"I’ll miss you."