alllll the fics

Maybe

Description: Dan loved Phil. 

Phil loved Dan, too.

But not in the same way.

Warnings: None, it’s just something quick I pushed out because I’m still working on that freaking witness relocation fic. 

Dan loved Phil.

Dan had always loved Phil.

Dan had loved Phil from the very first time he’d clicked on one of his videos and listened to the boy’s voice, since he had first cried from laughing so hard, since Phil had first messaged him on twitter, since they had first spoken on Skype. Dan loved Phil in a way that words could never explain, it was so strong, so real, so pure. He wanted Phil in the most innocent sense of the word ‘want’. He wanted to just be able to grab Phil’s hand and hold him and kiss him any time. He wanted to be able to look across the room and see the boy and think, i can call him mine. Dan loved Phil more than anyone had ever loved anyone else, and Dan was never happier than he was around that boy, the walking beam of sunlight.

Phil loved Dan too.

But not the same way.

Phil loved Dan in a way that was even more innocent. Phil loved him just as a friend. And maybe it was true, Phil had felt a little differently at one point. At one point, maybe Phil had loved Dan in a way that burned and thrived and was so strong it ached, and maybe he had promised Dan some things. Maybe he had implied forever was a given. Maybe Phil had fallen in and out of love with Dan so quickly that it ripped Dan apart. Maybe the Valentine’s day video wasn’t a joke when it was posted. But maybe it became one.

Maybe Dan still had all the videos, the pictures, everything saved to his laptop.

Maybe he cried at night.

Maybe he wished Phil had just not given up so easily. He just wanted back the days where he could hold Phil’s hand and cuddle up to him and look across the room and think i can call him mine. Dan never stopped falling in love with the boy he’d seen so long ago on his computer screen. Dan never stopped loving him at all. And it really wasn’t even a maybe- Since 2012, that’s where it had ended, he cried himself to sleep and cursed the cold, empty sheets in the bed beside him.

Maybe Phil heard.

It was at midnight, and it was cold and stormy outside. The power had flickered out, and it was cold and gloomy in their flat. Phil, with nothing to distract himself, lie awake and listened to Dan cry for him. He listened until he couldn’t listen, until he had to pull pillows and sheets over his ears to block out the sound of Dan’s tears, which were quickly becoming his. And maybe, Phil decided it would be okay if he gave up.

Phil got out of bed, and without a single word, slipped down into Dan’s bed. Dan curled up tighter, almost cowered at his touch, but Phil didn’t leave. Phil held him until he fell asleep. And then Dan was lying awake in Phil’s slightly cold arms, tears staining his face. Dan stopped crying, and he smiled just a little.

Maybe it was going to be okay.