Striking the monster

P r o l o g u e

A scream, which sounded very much like my own voice, woke me up from my horrific nightmare. I woke up, wiping the sweat which was dripping down my forehead. My teeth were chattering continuously, as i shook myself from the nightmare which was my imagination. I counted - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, slowing down my rapid heart rate.
Switching on the screen to my phone, which lay by my bedside table, the digits 3:58 appeared, informing me that my nightmare had yet once again woken me up from my so called precious sleep. (Not that iv actually been sleeping properly these past 2 years)

They say that sadness is temporary and that 'we need a bit of rain before we get a rainbow', so why is it that my life has been a downhill of a rollercoaster since the very start. Many people go through them tougher times in their life, but they pull through in the end. My life has been a constant earthquake, each tragic event breaking me and tearing down the tenuous facáde of humanity i have left stored within me. Every day i wake up, feeling like an outcast, feeling like i have no meaning in this word; as if my existence is ravishing and destructing the perfect lives those around me have accumulated. For many years i have put up an act, fooling everyone that i was the funny, outgoing, confident  child which i 'projected' myself to be, but i was far from it.
I wanted nothing more then for this to stop. To stop the monsters who haunted me every time my eyes closed. Every time i was meant to be resting. All i wanted was to be a normal 16 years old girl- i wanted normal parents, i wanted a normal family, i wanted to be able to sleep without havin to wake up screaming, scared for my life.

But normal is one word which is not in my dictionary. The term 'normal' could never be used to define me- i was an outcast in every way possible. After the life i lived starting from my childhood, i was changed, corrupted into something (or should i say someone) who did not fit into the regular species of human beings.

Stop, i told myself- you cannot be thinking about this at 4 in the morning, its going to be your first day back in school and you need to let this bad energy out of you.

After a few more moments of regaining myself, i hopped out of bed and started my meditation, a technique which my therapist told me to use to help myself calm down. Minutes later when i had mentally become more relaxed and bad-energy freed , i hopped into the shower, scrubbing away last nights nightmare like it was the plague.

As a few of you have have guessed already , today will be my first time going to school- in a very long time.

It has been months since i have entered a communal building, filled with children of various age groups.
Heck, i hadn't even seen my 'friends' since i locked them out of my life since THAT day. Today would be a make or break moment for my future at Jagguarantus High Boarding School (JHBA).