dizzy - thoughts & stuff

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

sorry in advance for this pointless rant bs but im in a pissy mood and i need to yell at things so

literally everything rn needs to fuck off (unless you're my fren then ily) but like im in a mood where every little sound and every little movement pisses me the fuck off to no end like

idek why its just everything compiled together into one shitload of problems that are all rlly minor until they start to add up and become overwhelming like

my siblings have been fighting all morning (which is all they ever do) and so now they can't even talk without me yelling at them to shutup

my dad keeps forcing me into
a) driving when i dont fucking want to
b) drawing these stupid ass drawings for his stupid fucking vape "business" that i don't want to draw and always look terrible by the time i'm done

i'm stressing out because of school even though it hasn't started bc i feel like i'm already failing even tho thats impossible. they said a few days ago that they put the schedules up online but when i check it just says "schedules are unavailable" or some shit and so i'm stressing bc it would be my luck that i'd show up first day and not even have classes to fucking go to

i want to start coloring my drawing for atl but i can't bc i need to look up reference pictures on my computer for it but i can't bc the wifi in this house fucking sucks which is bullshit because my dad literally works in IT and fixes other people technology problems all the fucking time but somehow nothing in this house ever fucking works,,,

i can't use my phone to look up references bc i need it to listen to music (most of which gia suggested and its all bomb so far thank sm) or else i get too frustrated with my drawings (clearly too late for that) and end up ruining them or hating them or throwing them away, or all of the above

wattpad fucking sucks rn like i'm not getting any of my notifications so legit the only people that wouldn't annoy me rn i can barely talk to without checking every 5 minutes to see if i got any notifs like udjskslsls get your shit together @ wattpad

i'm even mad just bc i'm in this kind of mood like someone could say "hi" and i'd be like "fuck off don't fucking talk to me i don't like you or your dog piss off" and not mean any of it or someone could tap on my shoulder and i'd like shove them away and be like "don't fucking touch me you fucking deceased maggot" like i just get so overwhelmed by the simplest things when i'm like this and i hate it and it sucks bc i can't even control my reactions in time and then i feel guilty the entire day for potentially hurting someone's feelings when they were just trying to talk to me

idk i'm sorry for all this you don't even have to read it i just had to get it off my chest

on the bright side i made my jacket last night and its so pretty i love it sm i think i'm gonna put it on tbh bc even tho i've only had it for like 24 hours it already has the ability to improve my mood by a lot so. i think its bc like it's slightly iconic lmao and also bc it's the closest thing to band merch i've ever had and also bc like wowie i have matching jack(barakat)ets with my most favorite person ever and also w hundreds of other people who i would automatically call friends just bc they clearly have great taste in music and that's really cool tbh

(tried to be aesthetic w my mandala thing but it didn't really work lol)

again, sorry for dumping this all here but i feel a lot better already so that's always a plus

ily all and i hope your day is going a lot better than mine