Mirror Mirror

Chapter 8

Riley was woken up by a good morning text. She wasn't really used to those. She sat up and saw who it was from
Harvey🤙🏼😈:
Good Morning, I was wondering if you would like to come to the park, need to take my mind off things :/
Riley unlocked her phone and smiled
"Ooooohhhhh" she heard her dad say as he peeped his head through the door, but before she could stop him he was chanting "RILEY'S GOT A  B O Y F R I E N D" at the top of his lungs. She sighed and concentrated back onto her phone.
Riley🌸⭐️:
Yeah sure :) I'll be there at 11:30

Harvey🤙🏼😈:
Kk, see you then :)
______________

Riley was dressed and ready about ten minutes after. She was wearing her jeans and some black ankle boots. Her loose, silky burgundy top was covered by a brown denim jacket. She blended in with the crowd, which was always good for her, she never liked being the center of attention. It felt like people could almost read you, and she liked to avoid that, especially as threatening thoughts mulled inside her head.

She didn't know how she felt about her town, it was small, so she knew most people who she came across. This made her feel even more vulnerable at times. The fact that she could be dressed incredibly nicely but still have that haunting feeling that the people she sees almost every day are judging her. That's the problem, she could form close bonds with people, and that was an instance when she liked bumping into people on the street. However if for some reason she hadn't formed that kind of connection then she felt like she couldn't trust them. And Riley knew that was stupid, because you never know who you can and can't trust. Not even with tightly-knit bonds.

However as she walked through those familiar streets and saw those familiar faces, no familiar thoughts came. No thoughts of regret, of worry, of shame. All these were replaced by anticipation of what will happen when she got to the park. The last time she and Harvey spoke was next to Max, talking about his suicide note. How would their conversation work out? Did Harvey even want to talk about it? He might still be in shock, probably will be. He was now going to be doomed with a memory, a feeling of loss, for the rest of his life. Riley wouldn't mention it. She would wait to see if Harvey was willing to talk about the other day. Riley wondered if she would want to talk about it, if she lost someone she loved so greatly. Probably not. She decided once and for all that she would talk about something else, poor Harvey, she couldn't imagine what he must be thinking.

Before she knew it she was at the park, she checked the time 11:23. She had time to go find a spot for both of them to sit down once Harvey arrived. She finally decided to wait at the bottom of an Oak tree. As she settled down she scanned the park once more. A dad and his daughter on the swings, the girl laughing playfully yet the dad looked tired, maybe troubled. His blue jumper sagging as if it hadn't been washed in a few days, his trousers creased at the bottom. Then Riley saw a group of girls that didn't go to her school, chattering about something or other, loud enough for Riley to listen in if she wanted to. Then she ended up looking straight ahead and saw a boy looking into the lake, then at the girl and her dad, his face dropped even more at the sight of the girls, obviously he had decided to listen in to their conversation for a bit. It was only when he looked at her and their eyes met, that she realised it was Harvey. How she didn't recognise him quicker was a shock. Well, they were probably both tired, everything seems different when you're tired.

Riley started to get up to go sit next to him, but Harvey was already walking towards her. Wow, he looked really tired. He was wearing a red hoodie and some black jeans. His hair seemed to hang in front of his face even more, but the back of it was messy, as if he hadn't bothered to sort it out in the morning. His eyes were slightly puffy, slightly closed. His smile was weak at the beginning, but seemed to grow as he got closer. When he sat down next to her, he was trying so hard to be happy, or seem happy. Riley just knew that he wasn't happy, he wasn't ok. For the first few minutes they sat in silence, Riley wondering what to talk about that wasn't about the other day. Then she wondered if there was anything they could talk about that wasn't about the other day.
"I actually do want to talk about it" Harvey blurted out suddenly "about yesterday."
"I thought you said that you wanted to take your mind off things" Riley said, looking at Harvey
"I changed my mind, I realised that I can't live properly if I only push my thoughts to one side, not get over them."
"Well, what bit do you want to talk about?" Riley tried to ask casually, but she still wanted it to sound like she cared, because she genuinely did
"I want to talk about why it happened, why Max did this to himself, why he was so unhappy, why why why" as Harvey said this he kept banging his head against the tree, until it finally came to rest, him looking up into the vast amount of leaves.
"Ok then." Riley rummaged through her pockets to see if she could find any paper. She could only find the little bit of crumpled paper she had stuffed in her jeans the day before. She opened it up, it was just a receipt. "Wait, do you have a pen?"
Harvey looked at her and then started to rummage through his pockets. Riley could see that he was about to give up when he suddenly found a pen on the grass next to him. "That's lucky" he said, handing the pen to Riley.
"So, do you know why Max might have decided to..." she found it difficult to say it herself, but Harvey answered anyway
"Maybe he, I don't know, felt like he wasn't going anywhere. We were writing songs and making our name known but maybe to him it just felt repetitive. Or maybe he even felt like he wasn't good enough do do what he was doing properly. That must be destroying, to think that you are not good enough to do something you love to do, something you are practically destined to do. That feeling of hard work gone to waist, and that you will never be able to do enough to compensate that. Max felt like he always had to be doing something. He could never be still. He felt like he had to be there for everyone, all the time, he felt like that was the only way to go, especially if he was actually feeling helpless. And what if he also felt like after all that work no one actually praised him? What if that only added to the idea that he would never be able to do anything well, if he kept being him? Then the only option would be to do what he did, right? Especially in that mindset. The constant thought that you will never be able to do anything must be excruciating." Harvey suddenly fell silent.
"Wow, you really knew him well, didn't you?" Riley offered the friendliest smile she could. Harvey chuckled slightly before looking at her
"Yeah, you kind of become attached after 14 years, you get to know which looks mean what and what words his actions spoke. Especially when you basically do them exactly the same. It's going to be weird, not having him with me, not having a person that understands me straight away, not having a person that I shared all my secrets with, only by being me. I will be able to hide from everyone now, and I'm not sure I want that."

At that Riley smiled and looked across the lake, that was the one thing that made her different to Harvey Mills.