"You two will talk things out by taking turns talking about the past few weeks." I look around as Lydia is explaining how this process works. As if anything Rat Face says will work out.
"Ok," I say quietly say letting them know I understand what will happen and how everything will work.
"Ok, Alice, we will start with you. What is something that you would like to talk about with Lilly?" How can she be so calm about this? I am in tears and she just stands there knowing that someone who talked about her behind her back will win this agrument. Maybe she doesnt know that Lilly talked shit about her and that everyone really did like her.
"It first started with her calling me a lesbian and then-" I started off. Of course I started with the least of my problems and then would work my way to what I really cared about.
"Ok, stop talking. It's Lilly's turn to talk about her point of view on this." Lydia says with pure confidence as if there isnt a twelve year old girl crying in front of her. How could she stand being like this. Why is she like this?
"I never called Alice a lesbian. I never called any names in general." Lilly says knowing that everyone will believe her, not me. She smiled slyly at me. No one saw but Anna and I did. It was the type of smile that said 'hah, you thought theyd believe you? You shouldve listened to me' or 'you shouldve stayed my friend' or anything else that she thought might hurt me.
"LIAR!! YOURE LYING!!! wHY DONT YOU JUST TELL THEM THE TRUTH?!! itd make it so much easier for-" I yell as loud as I dare, which is quite loud. At least loud enough that it should get someones attention, but it doesnt. At least nobody that cares. I shouldve gone to a teacher when this all started. It started with verbal bullying, it never went to physical, but it always affected me emotionally. I looked over to the teacher. She looked me straight on and just smiled. She smiled while I cried. Why didnt she see I was being bullied? Did she really think that we were 'working it out'? Because we werent.
"Quiet!" Lydia yells cutting me off. "It's Lilly's turn to talk. She didnt interrupt you, now you cant interrupt her. Go on." No, she didnt interrupt me, but you did. It seemed as though Lydia was causing me more mental problems than I already had. She said she would try to help us. She only volunteered to get me to my breaking point. She got what she wanted with the words that she had just said.
With that, the whitsle blew and it was time to go back to the middle school building to start classes again. My face was beet red. "Oh stop your crying! Youre just faking!" Lydia says on the walk to the other building. But I wasnt faking. I started to believe that she was right and that I didnt know my own emotions.
The walk back was when people started noticing I was crying. They insulted Lydia for me saying things that I already knew. 'she has a rat face' 'no one likes her anyway' 'you shouldnt care about what she says'. I knew all of these things, I knew. But now, insulting her just made me feel worse. As though if she heard I was talking shit on her, shed come and verbally attack me, more than just telling me to shut up. And worse than name calling. I also think about how Danielle couldve stopped it. Or wondering if it was my fault. Danielle did just stand there. There's also the fact that I didnt necessarily have to talk to Danielle, or I couldve told her that she could go back to Lilly if she wanted, but I didnt. Thats why I felt it was my fault.
"This is bull." Anna says as we wait for the doors to open. "You dont deserve to be treated like that." maybe I do though. It was my fault, right? I wouldve replied, but my sobs and the sniffling prevented me from doing so. "Do you want to tell the teachers?" I did, but after seeing the teacher that supervised our fresh air just ignore what had happened I didnt want to. It hurt too much, becuase I knew they wouldnt do anything about it.
